Far East Cynic

What Tiger woods should have said.

I was at lunch with a co-worker yesterday. As it happened I was eating an oyster Po-boy sandwich when Tiger woods speech came on the television in the restaurant / bar we were eating at.

The sound was turned down but it sure seemed like it went on for a hell of a lot longer than it should have gone.

I still feel that Tiger should confine his “apology” to just three words: LICK MY ASS!

Tiger Woods has the misfortune to be living in the wrong country-had this been Europe, there would have a polite “ho hum” when it was revealed that he had a mistress or two-and then all would have gotten on with more important pursuits.

But not here-here where sexual hypocrisy is the rule of the day-Tiger has to grovel on TV. And we still have never gotten the answer to the most burning question of this affair-what was Mrs. Woods doing to hack the program at home?

Repeat after me, everyone. “You. Can’t. Be. Addicted. To. A. Biological. Imperative.” It just isn’t done.

Have you ever heard somebody complain that they’re taking too much air for their own good? Same principle applies.

By the way, if you honestly believe that you’re addicted to pussy, you can save yourself five weeks and forty thousand dollars by slamming a car door on your penis. That’s sure to work, certainly better than Cunt Rehab with Dr. Fucking Drew will. 

Here is what Tiger should have said.

H/T to my Canadian Counterpart!

  1. Ahhh but in Europe after such a revelation, if his wife wanted the divorce, he would have just paid the money and then gone to a brothel…not begged her to stay with him for the “sake of the children and his sponsors”.

    Basically if you know you are lead by your dick, then maybe you should never get married.

  2. I don’t make it past the PAP censors eh? Now that is something for me to be proud of!

    As for being “lead by my dick, you should never get married”.-wish someone had told me that 30 years ago. Think of the money I could have saved.

  3. When you marry you take an “oath” of sorts eh?
    Its, I know this is quaint and old fashioned, your word to ‘Love…..”
    And you guys who were in the military took an oath too and quite frankly I am appalled at your comments. Doesn’t an “oath” mean anything? or is it just a ‘suggestion”?
    I guess swearing before God and Man is just…

  4. 1) Marriage is an out of date institution.

    2) Even in the service-there are exits points that don’t require turning over half your savings if you get tired of the service

    3)What happens in Tiger’s marriage is between him and his (soon to be ex) wife. 9 times out of 10 when these things happen-there is plenty of blame on the other side.

    Here is the bottom line-its no one’s business what Tiger does but Tiger’s.