Sick…

Not really-but I do feel really tired.

Plus-the current political cycle has me just plum tuckered out. I don’t think either side is winning anymore-its just the beginning of the long circular slide to utter stupidity. Obama gets voted out of office in 2012? It will be a complete jackass who takes his place from the other side. Like Sarah Palin.

She will drive the economy down in the long haul-but a lot of sleazy guys will get rich in the process. And " Operation Frequent Manhood" will be launched repeatedly,  as she gives her self over to neocon total sycophants and ambitious men who will push her around. War without end amen.

She will be opposed by the Congress who will hamstring her agenda-and the whining will begin again till hell won’t have it.

Then after one or two terms-a Democrat will win, and the whining of Tea Bagger central will begin again. Only it will get more even profane (like its really possible to be any worse that it is right now) and probably more violent. And the whining will begin with different voices until hell won’t have it.

And it will go on and on and on and on. And the sad part is Tea-baggers and net roots alike will think they have the smartest discussions in the world.

Spike ran a post a few days back– which reminded me that , having been to the mountain top-its hard for a boy to go back to the farm again:

SINCE 2005 Jim O’Rourke, the once perennially busy American musician and producer, has lived in a small apartment in Japan, keeping to himself. He had flown there for work at least 50 times in earlier years; every time he returned to the United States, he said, his mood sank. At first his relocation was on and off, during the long process of acquiring an artist’s work visa. Now it seems pretty permanent. “It’s the only place I’m happy,” he said during a recent telephone interview, with a perfectionist’s mordant cackle.

I know exactly how he feels. And as my continued sniffing around of opportunities to get back, hits brick wall after brick wall-my despair level goes up proportionately.

The S.O. is happy though. She gets to putter around the house-tend to her flowers and vacuuming-she’s not even made the motions of looking for a job. And as for tending to her real purpose for existence in my life? Save for on a trip, forget it. Oh she is still great company and all that-but a roommate with occasional benefits is not exactly what I need. I need to be passionate about life again. When I was in Japan- I was passionate about travel, about work, about lots of things. Here? Work is just work. Ok- but nothing to stir a fire deep down in the belly. You never know how lucky you have it till its gone. For some 30 years, I was lucky enough to do something I really felt passionately about. I wonder if I have the guts to stretch out and go for a big risk one more time in my life. Or is this the beginning of the slow slide down the hill?

It dawned on me the other day-the whole of my adult life, I’ve been nothing but a life support system for women.

No wonder I am sick. Now excuse me-I have to go cry myself to sleep.