Far East Cynic

Bienvenue au Montreal!

Or whatever it is one says in French.

The S.O. and I arrived here in one piece-no worse the wear for having to traverse America’s worst airport (IMHO) Dulles International. We arrived in Montreal via a route of flight that brought us right over the city and we could see the whole city as we did a descending turn into the airport. Pretty cool.

We found the hotel OK and it’s a pretty ok hotel with one big drawback-the internet connection here is slower than those turtles you see on the COMCAST commercials.

Went to Jardin Botanique today. Pix to follow when it won’t take two weeks to upload them. It is a nice park-and evidently today was “school field trip day” in that we had to fight our way around herds of elementary school kids being led by some surly French speaking women.

Only, French is pretty cool when it is spoken by a woman. When spoken by a woman with a really nice rack-it is more than cool-I feel more than a little stirring within my loins. ( As happened when we went to lunch at a place up near Olympic park.)

When French is spoken by a man however? Forget it. Hit the bricks and take the express train back to loserville.

Which brings to an important point of order-that I’m not sure the residents of Montreal got the memo on. So in case no one has told you guys yet:

The French lost the Seven Years War.

Sorry about that. Just as I am sorry I chose to learn German rather than French in high school and college. It is what it is. As a result your city was cconquered by the British. Any chance of changing that historical development went away when Napoleon sold all of the Louisiana Purchase to Thomas Jefferson to finance his pillaging of Europe.

Which, by the way, is why it is so cool to see a statue to the Battle of Trafalgar right in the middle of the Place de St. Jaques……………
And in case anyone has never bothered to tell you guys-that particular historical development means that your province is surrounded on all sides by English speakers. ( Or in the case of the US-a large English speaking minority…..). English speakers who come here and have money to spend.

Maybe 40 years ago that “trying to be more French than the French” act might have had an impact. Now it just looks like you are slow to catch up. Even in France there are more English signs than here. How about looking into it will you? You are driving the S.O. nuts when she pulls her “Ugly American Japanese” act when she continually asks people questions in English.

You also score no points by asking her if she is Chinese. Sure its all fun and games for you Francophones-but I have to hear about it all the way back to the hotel.

Tomorrow, its in the car and up to Quebec City-so I need to go to bed.  If I can figure out a way to jumpstart this internet connection-I’ll pass along some pictures.

Bon Soir!

  1. Ahhh, you’ve noticed the French signs. Lucky you, stumbling into the ridiculousness of the Canadian constitutional follies as you have.

    You see, the French signsare actually the law in Quebec. It’s a completely unconstitutional law, but luckily the Charter of Rights and Freedoms has a notwithstanding clause that allows any of the provinces or the federal government to ignore court rulings. Imagine if Kansas read the Brown v. Board of Education ruling, said “How quaint,” and kept segregating the schools. Then you’ll have an idea of how Canada works.

    Oh, and Montreal has some truly amazing strip clubs.

    Enjoy your stay.

  2. First, it’s so good to know that you and the S.O. are enjoying your time in Montreal and I hope you enjoy that beautiful city.

    Second, will you PLEASE inform those idiotic Quebecers that they LOST THE SEVEN YEARS WAR!

    Third, it’s so good to know that you and the S.O. are enjoying your time in Montreal and I hope you enjoy that beautiful city.

    P.S. Just wondering if the city renamed the Royal Botannical Gardens to the Jardin Botannique…….the short trip up to Mont Royal is also worthwhile. Also, the Churches in the city are most beautiful.

  3. Re: The Strip Clubs. I was here for an air show back in 1993. We made the circuit of them the first nigt in. As I (sort of) recall I came back with a lot less cash than I left with…….

    There was also the story, that same trip, of being the “designated wingman” (e.g. person assigned to keep her slightly overweight friend occupied, while the other guy in the crew “closed the deal” with a French Canadian lass.) He simply wore her down over about a 5 hour period. I felt like shit when I had to man up the next day-and unlike him, I was sleeping alone.