This, however, is not a perfect world.
Flight out of Shopping Mall, USA was late. Not necessarily a show stopper-if it could have gotten off on its new departure time. However United only has one gate at Shopping Mall’s hick designed and run airport. Sat at the gate watching the plane sit there waiting for the other flight-the one to Denver to get pushed back. As it sat there I saw our freshly awarded upgraded business class seats out of DC going up in smoke.
Finally, we board the flight. Off we go, taxi into position and hold. Sit awaiting ATC release. “Screw Skippy over 01-cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 123.8”. Flight goes reasonably well-I even had hopes we might make it. And we would have , EXCEPT:
Flight being late means that the aircraft lost its gate slot at America’s worst run airport -Washington Dulles. Sit, sit , sit-turning dead dinosaurs into global warming.
As it turns out, I need not have worried. Somewhere deep in the cavernous domain of United’s passenger screw over center in Chicago-some computer had detected our plight-and re-booked us. There were only two problems:
1) They did not tell us.
2) The other flight was only 10 minutes after the one we were supposed to make. What’s up with that?
Now in Japan-what would have happened is a gate agent would have come on the plane, paged us as the cute girl gave the arrival announcement, and we would have been escorted and directed to a customer service counter or a new gate. Apologies and bowing would have been numerous. A voucher for dinner at a restaurant might have been forth coming-at the least we would have been able to drink free beer.
Not so here in the land of surly, overweight, impolite people. We asked if we could make it-were told the flight had not departed-“Hurry!”.
Well if you have ever been through Dulles-that’s not exactly the easiest thing to do. But off we went at a gallop. We made the gate-and true to form 356,700 pounds of 777 was still there.
However the gate agents would not help us at all.
I was about to lose my temper-when, to my right 128 pounds of pent up Japanese frustration did it for me. Quick summary-“who are you not to help us, this would never have happend in Japan, get us help NOW!”
There were some pretty choice Japanese expletives thrown in for good measure. Too bad they were wasted here.
That both I and the gate agent were taken aback was an understatement. I quietly explained that we needed to be rebooked. I also pointed to my United 1K tag. Which in Asia would mean something-here in Dulles it and 4 dollars might get you a cup of coffee.
So we finally get to escorted to the Red Carpet Club. Lady behind the counter could not make sense out of what the devil’s angel in Chicago had accomplished. Tick, Tick, Tick,………”You are booked to Brussels then to Munich. Go to the gate-we will call and have them hold the door.”
Did I tell you that the gate was on the other end of the terminal?
This is why, I’m glad I don’t carry a weapon. I might have been tempted to use it. We make it to the gate. Another 777 sits-another gate agent says he has gotten no phone call and the boarding is closed. “Why the heck weren’t you here earlier?”
I did not wait for the S.O.-I exploded and beat her to the punch. “Get me a supervisor now!”
I explain our plight-what my problems were on the other end-why we needed to get moving when we could. And we are hungry.
Long story short-we do get re-booked, in business, and now here we sit waiting for a flight to Frankfurt three hours from now. I finally convinced them that I could use a lot of drink tickets for our trouble-especially since they are too f**king cheap to give us a voucher for dinner.
Now mine and the S.O.’s annoyance aside-it once again highlights for me why American airlines in general are in trouble. Its not the cost of fuel, or infrastructure so much-its a lack of caring about the first rule of salesmanship-keep the customer happy.
Why the hell do I have to brow beat them into coupons for drinks that would be free in any other lounge overseas? Why do I have to log in on wireless connection that would also be free in Asia. Why not at least some effort to make it up to us?
Screw the extra fees. Make ticket prices higher if you need to-but for God’s sake, put a value on customer service. There is no customer loyalty because no loyalty is extended the other way.
Now if you’ll excuse me-there is drink ticket that needs to be used.