Far East Cynic

Houston, we have a problem…….

In a perfect world, I would not be able to be blogging right now. I’d be on my fourth glass of wine-or maybe even a post dinner cognac and hoping that booze  would swirl me into a few hours of sleep before I arrived in the “Old Country

This, however, is not a perfect world.

Flight out of Shopping Mall, USA was late. Not necessarily a show stopper-if it could have gotten off on its new departure time. However United only has one gate at Shopping Mall’s hick  designed and run airport. Sat at the gate watching the plane sit there waiting for the other flight-the one to Denver to get pushed back. As it sat there I saw our freshly awarded upgraded business class seats out of DC going up in smoke.

Finally, we board the flight. Off we go, taxi into position and hold. Sit awaiting ATC release.  “Screw Skippy over 01-cleared for takeoff, contact departure on 123.8”. Flight goes reasonably well-I even had hopes we might make it. And we would have , EXCEPT:

Flight being late means that the aircraft lost its gate slot at America’s worst run airport -Washington Dulles. Sit, sit , sit-turning dead dinosaurs into global warming.

As it turns out, I need not have worried. Somewhere deep in the cavernous domain of United’s passenger screw over center in Chicago-some computer had detected our plight-and re-booked us. There were only two problems:

1) They did not tell us.

2) The other flight was only 10 minutes after the one we were supposed to make. What’s up with that?

Now in Japan-what would have happened is a gate agent would have come on the plane, paged us as the cute girl gave the arrival announcement, and we would have been escorted and directed to a customer service counter or a new gate. Apologies and bowing would have been numerous. A voucher for dinner at a restaurant might have been forth coming-at the least we would have been able to drink free beer.

Not so here in the land of surly, overweight, impolite people. We asked if we could make it-were told the flight had not departed-“Hurry!”.

Well if you have ever been through Dulles-that’s not exactly the easiest thing to do. But off we went at a gallop. We made the gate-and true to form 356,700 pounds of 777 was still there.

However the gate agents would not help us at all.

I was about to lose my temper-when, to my right 128 pounds of pent up Japanese frustration did it for me. Quick summary-“who are you not to help us, this would never have happend in Japan, get us help NOW!”

There were some pretty choice Japanese expletives thrown in for good measure. Too bad they were wasted here.

That both I and the gate agent were taken aback was an understatement. I quietly explained that we needed to be rebooked. I also pointed to my United 1K tag. Which in Asia would mean something-here in Dulles it and 4 dollars might get you a cup of coffee.

So we finally get to escorted to the Red Carpet Club.  Lady behind the counter could not make sense out of what the devil’s angel in Chicago had accomplished. Tick, Tick, Tick,………”You are booked to Brussels then to Munich. Go to the gate-we will call and have them hold the door.”

Did I tell you that the gate was on the other end of the terminal?

This is why, I’m glad I don’t carry a weapon. I might have been tempted to use it. We make it to the gate. Another 777 sits-another gate agent says he has gotten no phone call and the boarding is closed. “Why the heck weren’t you here earlier?”

I did not wait for the S.O.-I exploded and beat her to the punch. “Get me a supervisor now!”

I explain our plight-what my problems were on the other end-why we needed to get moving when we could. And we are hungry.

Long story short-we do get re-booked, in business, and now here we sit waiting for a flight to Frankfurt three hours from now. I finally convinced them that I could use a lot of drink tickets for our trouble-especially since they are too f**king cheap to give us a voucher for dinner.

Now mine and the S.O.’s annoyance aside-it once again highlights for me why American airlines in general are in trouble. Its not the cost of fuel, or infrastructure so much-its a lack of caring about the first rule of salesmanship-keep the customer happy.

Why the hell do I have to brow beat them into coupons for drinks that would be free in any other lounge overseas? Why do I have to log in on wireless connection that would also be free in Asia. Why not at least some effort to make it up to us?

Screw the extra fees. Make ticket prices higher if you need to-but for God’s sake, put a value on customer service. There is no customer loyalty because no loyalty is extended the other way.

Now if you’ll excuse me-there is drink ticket that needs to be used.

  1. It’s a vicious cycle. Competitive pricing results in lower margins and means skimping on service (and probably training of staff) making air travel on US airlines extremely unpleasant. And aside from continually pissing off their customers (supposedly the reason they’re in business), they’re barely profitable. The budget airlines in Asia offer better service than the so-called premium airlines in the US.

  2. Seriously Skippy, I hope the trip gets ever so much better for you and the SO.

    I recall my one time with a particular airline when dating the fiance long distance when she lived in SFO and I did not. I was up there and supposed to come home on nameless airline and they strung us along for 8 hours with reasons for various delays. I remember at the two hour point approaching the male gate attendant and asking what the hell was going on since they sure as hell had neglected to keep us informed and his response was, “if you don’t get 50 feet away from me right now I’m calling the cops.” I’m a nice guy and never raise my voice to those I know don’t have control of the situation. I was just asking the question, “what is going on? when is our flight going to leave? is it possible to rebook on a working flight?”

    I’m a committed hater. When a business has conspired to lose my business, yes, they have lost it forever. I don’t care if they offer half price or free tickets in the future. They’ve shown me what they do.

    Deep breath, sip, don’t gulp, feet up.

  3. Same problem/attitude with American auto companies. Main reason I drive a Japanese vehicle. Service and with a smile.

    Generally American businesses seem to be engaged in a race to the bottom in customer care. Combine that with greed and one gets the predictable current financial situation.

    Hope trip gets better.

  4. Think about it. You are dealing with employees that had to give back and give up so their employer could emerge from bankruptcy. Happy people willing to help, not.

    Just think of the quality of the vehicle you will get in the future if the big three file for reorganization under bankruptcy laws and the UAW has to give back.

    Skippy, my last post (out the door) is even more apropos.

    PS: How about the luggage?

  5. And then there was the TV show “Airline” which showed the OTHER side of the proverbial coin and the inane, drunk, stupid, moronic customers who really never ever should be given the right to procreate let alone board an airline.
    Who hasn’t been on an airline as its taxing to the gate and the flight attendants telling people to remain seated because of safety concerns and almost EVERYONE stand ups to get their over head luggage?
    Could they do a better job of customer service?? OF COURSE..letting people wait for hours on the tarmac is unacceptable. Ditto surly flight staff and being uncommunicative.
    And the “passenger bill of rights” needs to be passed.

  6. You could have flown Lufthansa or KLM…driven to Atlanta, even, to get out of Huntsville without that limited flight availability.

  7. Yea we could have-but I have over 500,000 mile on United Frequent Flier program which makes the upgrades easier. That said-I did look into Lufthansa and the price was twice as much for the ticket-and it would not have been upgradable. However,as you know, LH has decent service even in the back.

  8. So when you say, ‘make ticket prices higher if you need to’, you mean, ‘make ticket prices a little tiny bit higher if you need to, but not as high as Lufthansa, which actually has good service.’

  9. No, it means that I had a set budget for this trip and sought hard to stay within those targets. If the difference had been in a 30% window between LH and UA I would have considered it. But our tickets were upgradable on UA and being in Business class for less money was my going in selling point. We are Business going back so-you pays your money and takes your chances.

    I did fly LH three years ago NRT to FRA. It was fine-but crowded.