Convention time again, where my middle finger starts to hurt from flipping the bird so many times at the TV. The S.O. had to scold me when Nancy Pelosi came on and I called her a worthless bitch and a whore about 5 times. Wait till Hillary comes on-I may need a finger splint.
Of course in the spirit of fairness, I’ll be flipping the bird at the Republican wackos too-especially if Romney gets the VP nod. “Hey Mitt-Joseph Smith blows!“
I miss the conventions of yesteryear-neither party has had a suspenseful convention since 1968. Both of these promise to be no different. Obama will hailed, adored, and oh by the way did you know he was black? Next week we will hear John McCain is a maverick, just a regular joe, who just happens to be obscenely rich, and oh by the way, did you know he was once a POW? Just wait five minutes he will tell you.
One the whole, its going to be boring. I thought Michelle Obama’s speech last night was not particularly effective, and did nothing to help Obama with swing voters. The whole family thing at the end was just silly if you ask me.
Of course, next week will be just as bad, proclaiming how the welfare of Arabs is somehow more important than that of real Americans, Georgia is entitled to be in NATO without a concrete deterrent to Russia, and as for the economy? Its all the fault of middle class Americans for not being rich enough.
And now may we pause for a word of prayer while Rev. Hagee prays for God, to destroy all Democrats-in the spirit of Christian charity of course. ” The Lord’s our shepherd says the Psalm, but just in case; we better drop some bombs!”
Yea, yea, yea. Heard it all before.
However-over in the alternate universe-some very different conventions unfold.
Hillary, all the while talking a good game has secretly organized a revolt of the delegates. The super delegates persuaded by some generous cash donations and the very real fear that Obama may not be up to this, and unable to counter the Rove attack machine; decide to vote along with Hillary’s delegates. Instead in a total shock to Obama, he does not win enough delegates on the first ballot to secure the nomination.
Hillary-having talked long and loud about party unity, sounds a call to “Save the Democrats from themselves!”
7 ballots ensue-with a bitter floor fight over seating the rest of the delegations from Florida and Michigan. In the end, desperate, Bill Clinton “volunteers”. So does Al Gore. 5 more ballots ensue and Bill wins by just 100 votes-at 3:30am. John Dean was last seen putting a 357 magnum to his temples.
The following week, even God gets tired of hearing about the surge and how it worked. John McCain slumps over the podium during his acceptance speech. Taken to the hospital and revived, he remains in the hospital for over two weeks. His Vice Presidential nominee is discovered to be the father of Cindy McCain’s Cambodian love child and Budweiser stock tanks on rumors of its finally being made into a real beer, by its European owners-instead of a good water soiled.
The market drops 1000 points in a day. So too does the dollar. When McCain re-emerges to tell every one the market is just fine-and one of his advisers says its all our fault for not spending enough of our rebate checks-his ratings drop 15%. About that time the roof caves in Iraq when the Kurds declare independence, and Malaki allows the Iraqi Army to massacre Sunni officers in a 21’st version of the Katyn Forest. McCain continues to insist that “Iraq is a good friend of the US”.
The RNC, getting nervous, has an unheard of meeting and tries to replace McCain “for health reasons”. They fail to get a majority. However, George Bush offers to sponsor an amendment to the Constitution allowing him to run for a third term.
On November 4th neither side wins a majority of the electoral college. The election will be decided in the House of Representatives. Except the Supreme Court-in response to a lawsuit from George Bush votes to keep the election from going to the House.
However on the plus side, Brad and Jennifer get back together.
Now that would be an entertaining election. We now return you the boredom of this universe. My middle finger is starting to really hurt.