I spent a goodly portion of the weekend sitting in the passenger seat of our new car, pressing the sole of my shoe through a non-existent brake pedal. I’ve been getting the S.O. used to all the routes that she would have to drive to get to the store, the doctor, the cleaners etc. Normal people just use maps to figure these things out, but the S.O. has a horrible sense of direction and seems incapable of visualizing the spatial relationships of streets in her head.
Like most men, I hate not being in the drivers seat, particularly with a woman driving. Yes, it is a control issue and when I am at the wheel, I know I am in control of the vehicle and can keep my head on the swivel. Sitting on the right side of the car, I have to keep my head on a swivel still, but I cannot will that into the brain of the driver.
It has been about 12 years since I taught my son to drive, and over the objections of my ex I taught him on a stick shift-the same as my father taught me. I still think it is the best way to train to drive, in that it teaches you to be aware of what the car is doing, and to grasp the concept of doing more than one thing at a time.
Here of course that is just a non-existent hope. I took her on the Arsenal where the roads are long and straight and people at least obey the traffic rules. There is still a raw spot on the mat where my sole is pushing extra hard.
It is not that the S.O. is a bad driver-she is actually pretty careful and conscientious. It is just that she has not done a lot of it. Hell, she did not get a drivers licence at all till she was in her 30’s and decided to buy a car. And like most Japanese, she did not learn from a relative, but paid good money for a driving school. She was horrified when I pointed out that most Americans learn from their parents.
And in normal two lane operations she is fine. Problem is merging lanes, eludes her-yes they do it Japan, but the roads herd you better than they do here. And you don’t go as fast. Suffice it to say it has been something of a challenge.
Fortunately, Shopping Mall is not that clogged with traffic and I have been able to watch her get to and from the store that Sam Walton built and the bank-so we have that going for us. However unless she wants to be cooped up in the apartment watching Soap Operas she does not understand-there will have to be more effort on her part. It has been interesting because I have had to tell her where to go in Japanese, after telling her in English, before I was sure that she had comprehended what I said. And her English is pretty good. I suspect it is because she is nervous to be sure-but I’ve got to make her independent. They start work early and I will be gone most of the day every day.
Besides, I would really not like for this to happen:
“MG, I’ll wash you and wax you! If some Chevy smacks you-I’ll die, MG!” (sung to the tune of Born Free).
Where’d you pick to live? We liked Dotson road in the valley but:
they piped in the sunshine
there wasn’t a mall for miles
it was destroyed by a tornado…twice
Garth Valley, middle of nowhere to a high school student. It’s a complicated we.
“Like most men, I hate not being in the drivers seat, particularly with a woman driving. Yes, it is a control issue and when I am at the wheel, I know I am in control of the vehicle and can keep my head on the swivel.”
Skippy — how many arrested landings do you have “not being in the driver’s seat”? Or was it just that there never was a woman in THAT driver’s seat?
Scott,
Good point . For the record I have 894 arrested landings not being in the drivers seat. And few of those have been with a woman in the left seat-sigh.
Guess I saw it as just different though. I know how to drive a car-the Navy never taught me how to fly a plane.
Scott:
Speaking as a fellow Hummer mole w/Skippy, the vast majority of those traps did not afford the, ah, view that the right seat of the car offers. Most of our view was made up of the sight lines afforded by an 8″ oval window on the right side of the a/c and what we hear over the radio (“power, Power, POWER”) and ICS (“don’t go lower – I SAID DON’T GO ANY @%#^$&*#&@ LOWER!!!!).
And no veto handle like our RIO and B/N buds.
So, one is more prone to surrender one’s fate to the left seat occupant there than in an auto. And for the record, our cars have the same wear spot when I’m in the right seat and our teens or my better half is driving…
– SJS
Skippy – After living/working abroad for 10 years we returned to Boston and experienced reverse culture shock. The expat experience changes one in ways that are unexpected, and this made the return (particularly work) quite challenging. Socially we gravitated to other folks who had been expats. Tequila also helped! Fortunately after 7 months we went back out again, this time to Asia. Have no desire to go back to the Shopping Mall while working, so we “feel your pain” as an ex-president used to say. We received great advice before our first assignment that might be helpful to you and the S.O.: 1. It’s not better or worse, just different. 2. Remember you are there to appreciate the differences. 3. Always keep your sense of humor. Salud.
mayb the SO can start blogging as well so we can see her perspective in this move to Shopping Mall. In my opinion, you never truly settle down until you get a routine of some sort, may it be job, school, housework ect, and only then can some semblence of normalcy start to set in.
As for passanger drivers; I do that as well with men or women. I guess people who are used to driving always have problems adjusting to drivers who do not drive exactly like them:).
Sourrain,
Very true.
I think I will pass on the S.O. blogging-she would probably want to blog in Japanese anyway. I offered to set up a blog for her so she could send pictures back to her friends in Japan. She has not responded one way or the other. Prudence dictates I let that sleeping dog lie.
Guess I just sat through too many tanking hops with CAT I FRPs in the S3 (along with some really scary Stoof transition guys!). When I ride with the wife, in her 325 convertable and she is driving like a bat out of hell, I just ignore it. I don’t think I can get killed in that car, so I don’t sweat it. Guess those RAG flights just numbed me.
My only point with the cheap shot at you Hummer tube guys, was that you once learned to ignore that which you couldn’t control. Probably with a little effort, you could do the same in the right seat of that shiny new SUV. It has good air bags, doesn’t it?
The difference for me re: the nonexistent brake phenomenon is whether or not my ass is on the line. Generally speaking, if we’re in my vehicle, I’m driving. If we’re not in my vehicle, I could care less whether or not we get into an accident. The only times I’ve caught myself slamming my foot into the floor were when riding shotgun while getting the new guys some experience driving the trucks at my summer landscape job. They’ve heavy, they tow heavier trailers, and they don’t have the best brakes. The drivers liked to come to a little bit too much of a screeching halt for my taste.
Scott,
But like Mike pointed out, its my car! It is not the S.O. ‘s…its my money and insurance on the line. Plus I can see out side.
As an E-2 NFO you never come to terms with that which you cannot control-especially as you get more senior. You just learn how to keep you mouth shut. Especially when the guy in the right seat goes , ” Oh s**t!”