I got blindly drunk last night-just barely stumbling onto the last train back out of Yokohama. The S.O. was none too pleased when I darkened our doorstep at 1:30 am in as foul a humor as I have been in years. It is 6 am now and my head hurts. When is that damn coffee going to be done?

I’m thinking hard about staying drunk all next week after we get back from our trip to Niko this weekend.

The cause of my tumultuous leap into binge drinking and total inebriation? The twisted unfairness of the path that life takes us on sometimes……………

Goddammit Skippy, come to the f*&king point!

With General MacArthur presiding, I signed the surrender declaration this week, turning down 2 different job offers in Korea to accept……………..I still can’t believe I am saying this………a job offer in Shopping Mall USA.

Wrong side of the dateline, wrong side of the Mason Dixon line, and definately outside of commuting distance to Hong Kong, Singapore, or Bangkok.

You can say it now:

WTF?

 

Believe me, I have been asking my self and the S.O. that question over and over, every day this week. Wise woman that she is-she has made no input into this decision-because she knows I would blame her for it later on. No matter how good or bad it turned out. This way, the only person I can blame is myself.

Which really sucks.

But I thought you were committed come hell or high water to staying in Asia?

I am. I’m also a prisoner of pretty stark economic realities and when I laid every thing side by side, and did an apples to apples comparison-Shopping Mall USA came out way ahead every time. Professionally its a much better opportunity, with the potential to open up a whole new world of knowledge for me-in an area I have never worked in before. The Korea things would have tunneled me into more of the same-with a lot of the same frustrations I have had for the last two years. A lot of people whose opinions I really trust have told me that again and again.

Plus, given my family situation right now-being closer to my aging parents makes a good deal of sense and my sister will appreciate it. It would also be nice to be back stateside long enough to try to make some sort of peace with my kids and perhaps take my ex back to court to undo the injustice that was done to me 9 years ago.

And I’m hoping-that this will in turn open up some other opportunities down stream that will bring me back to Asia, in a more secure position, to stay for good. Because just like MacArthur-I will return!That will be saving goal numero uno-to continue to build up a war chest for that.

Add to that the fact that this particular course of action was the only one that fell very neatly into place-I received a lot of support from some dear friends who helped me find this opportunity-and I just feel its possibly the thing I am destined to do. At least for the short term. Every other road I turned up, I hit roadblocks whereas this particular avenue went very smoothly. So maybe it is destiny.

Of course,  destiny can work for ill as well as good-as my subconscious self kept reminding me last night.

Why does all of the things I’ve written above strike me as a giant rationalization?

Michael: Don’t knock rationalizations.  I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.
Sam Weber: Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.
Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?

And of course, this whole situation is made a lot more complicated by the 128 pounds of Japanese baggage sleeping blissfully in the other room. The last few weeks have really caused me the question the wisdom of acquiring, or continuing to carry,  that particular burden. There was a demonic voice that taunted me all last night:

Dump her! Take your stuff and move to Singapore! You’ll never get another chance!

I am wagering that is not a true statement. So…..in damnfool decision number two, she is going with me and we will build some sort of life together in Shopping Mall USA. Yes you can say it too-I’m an idiot!.

As I have said before, though-her smile still does it for me. I reserve the option to hit the eject button at a later date, however.

As for the blog? Its not changing. I’ll still write about Asia, politics,and any other thing that strikes my fancy. I’ll just be doing it from the moral equivalent of inside the Green Zone or behind enemy lines. I hope you will keep coming back to read my posts.

This was so not in the plan I laid out for myself 8 and 1/2 years ago. I was supposed to be living in my small apartment in Pattaya right about now. Life is so damned unfair!

So wish me well.

Is it too early to open up the bourbon? Probably. At least the coffee is done. Ohayo Gozaimasu!