Not that surge. The one that is slowly ripping apart the beautiful life I spent 8 years perfecting. Like it’s counterpart in Iraq, it is just as frustrating though.
Now conscience wakes despair That slumber’d, wakes the bitter memory Of what he was, what is, and what must be Worse; of worse deeds worse sufferings must ensue! -Milton in Paradise Lost.
That scream you heard last night was my body and soul being trapped-that’s right trapped- in an existence I thought I had left behind. That giant sucking sound was my karma being sucked back into a conformity with rules and covenants I had spent years breaking free from.
The whimpering will die down soon enough, to be replaced by the wind, whispering across a dying flame: that of the dream coming face to face with a sharp cold reality.
Subaltern: [after losing his composure, and calling out to God, in front of the late Romney Wordsworth – and on national television – the Chancellor, the EX-Chancellor, enters the State Judgement Chamber… and discovers that he has been replaced by the FORMER Subaltern] Stay where you are. No further. You have been removed from office; the Field Investigators have declared you OBSOLETE.
Chancellor: …Obsolete?
Subaltern: [like a robot] You have disgraced the State before the masses. You have proven yourself a hypocrite, and a traitor to the ideals of the State; you have, as such, no function. You are OBSOLETE.
Chancellor: But I’m not! I’m NOT obsolete!
Subaltern: YOU ARE OBSOLETE!
Chancellor: [becoming hysterical] You’re making a mistake! *I’m not obsolete!* I BELIEVE in the State! I WORK for the State! I help give the State STRENGTH! How can you call ME obsolete? HOW CAN YOU?
Subaltern: YOU ARE OBSOLETE…!
[dozens of shouting jurors pounce on the ex-Chancellor and tear him to ribbons]From the Twilight Zone.
So other than the fact that I’m dying to get on a plane direct to Jaffe Road, do not pass go, do not collect 200 (HK) dollars-I’d say the trip is going pretty well.
More to come later. It has been a busy day and now I need to cry myself to sleep. After a long and successful day of meeting people, answering questions, and familiarizing myself with the new landscape-I came face to face with the dilemma that is my life these days. The need to do that which I must vs that which I want. As we left the Chinese restaurant this evening (or what approximates Chinese in this out of the way southern outpost), there -behind the cash register-was a full sized picture of Hong Kong at night from the Peak.
For most people it is just a nice view of a far away place. For me, it was a personal mockery of my dreams and ambitions. Would that all of this was occurring Central and Mid-levels rather than in the middle of Shopping Mall, USA.
The irony of that one little moment is not lost on me I assure you…………………….
And as I type this, furtively, on the laptop, the S.O. sleeps. Sure she’s happy. 🙁
You would be too in her position. As one side loses, the other gains-and she is sleeping with same smile that a Filipina in Hari’s gets when she hears she is going to get 3500 for only a short time. ( Those who know-know).
Stay tuned…………..