The day we get on the plane and I begin the journey to once again take my rightful place among the ranks of American Expats. I think we are ready-although the S.O. is just two steps above basket case level right about now.
The S.O. does not deal with change well. Unlike me-she likes order and routine, and the humdrum existence of house and hearth allows her to her cleaning, her daily laundry and the rest of her routines. The last few days of packers and movers ( who she regards as lazy compared to their Japanese counterparts-they really were not that bad, it could have been much, much worse) have unsettled her greatly. The sight of the empty house, coupled with the idea that those filthy Gaijin will be walking across her well kept floors in shoes, just perturbs her to no end. And this is for a house that she says ( repeatedly) she didn’t like that much ( she liked it more than she cares to admit).
We both have been having ongoing discussions about what put us overweight. She blames my books, I blame her dishes-the truth is both are to blame, which is why she will be splitting the expense with me-although she doesn’t know it yet. We are playing the cards we can to get the weight down ex post facto, but eventually we will get bitten in the ass. She realizes deep down she bought too much “stuff” over here and in Japan.
It sort of came to a head last night,when she threw a T-shirt at me. I realized it was not so much at me for the then topic of discussion-but at my inability to settle and stay where she could enjoy her routines. Like many women, she cares only so much for the happiness of her man. That is quite secondary, even tertiary, when it comes to interrupting her routine and her source of life support. Its not unique to her-its a finding I have seen across the species. It doesn’t matter so much if I am happy in the location or professionally-so long as she is taken care of. She will work through it of course-as soon as we settle on a house, and get unpacked and settled, and she can build new routines. Routines that will have her riding the S-bahn and learning German after a fashion. We apologized to each other this morning at breakfast. (She’s right-I should have been more ruthless with respect to my library, she recognized I am right about her plates and hibachi’s).
But for both of us, tomorrow will be the beginning of a new adventure and a voyage to an uncertain shore. We will keep you advised as it unfolds. Gambarimashou!
Glück in Ihrem neuen Abenteuer
Vielen dank.
Best luck.
Best of luck in the next chapter of your life.
God speed and a safe trip to you both. While you and S.O. are looking forward to the beginning of the next chapter of your lives, your readers are looking forward to your thoughts/opinions/and, yes, complaints, about life in der Deutchsland.
P.S. What your readers really want to know is how many beers it will take to get you into a pair of lederhosen, while tramping the Alps singing Wagner.
P.P.S. Will you be shipping that heavy cabinet that the S.O. purchased in Japan…..the one made of a local wood? You purchased it back in 2007, I think. Just wondered.
Difficult topic, but I’ll try nevertheless.
I do not think learning German is the best idea for a female Japanese expat to get along here. Germany is not an egalitarian society (as the US pretends to be), it is very much a class society like Britain once was (or still is) and the way (1.) you dress and (2.) you speak determines where you are sub-consciously sorted in. Your spouse has hardly a chance to get really fluent in German and that and her Asian looks will make her look like an “Armutsmigrant” (poverty migrant). That is, she directly sorts herself into the lowest strata of German society. Dressing moderately expensive and starting any talk with “Excuse, I am JAPANESE, do you speak English?” will make her get along better.
Note: I am not strictly talking prejudices, racism, and xenophobia, let alone violent xenophobia; you are going to Stuttgart in Baden-Wuerttemberg, which is safe in this respect. Yet it is careless to pretend that xenophobia does not exist and then you need to account for the class factor (which exist for Germans as well).
Fact is, I do not know any male (white) Anglo-Saxon (or celtic for that matter) expat who did not really enjoy his time in the Fatherland. Really. Fact again is, all female expats I knew that were somehow coloured and/or had a non germanic(!) accent got at some point really annoyed about the way my compatriots behaved towards them. I wondered where this contrast came from. It is not that a woman cannot move freely here. I believe it is more the old German saying “Kleider machen Leute” (Clothes make up (wo)men), for one, and for the other half your natural self-confidence and manners, in particular the way you speak, because that your unofficial rank in German society.
I cannot speak for the wives of Japanese business men living here, because I haven’t got to know any of them. Duesseldorf used to be the city Japanese companies had their German offices in, and the Japanese ladies there always dress up as if they had just bought a high-fashion boutique empty. I am quite sure they are always treated with respect.
Now you said you do not earn that much, but a middle ground, somewhat conservative, is definitely preferable. And explicitly admitting your foreigner status will make it easier to get the respect you deserve.
I believe that was enough for now. Germany never was and is an easy country, neither for its natives or foreigners.
P.S.: German winters are cold, and grey, and long, very long. At some point every woman gets a so called “Winterdepression”. There are direct Intercity Express trains from Stuttgart to Düsseldorf, 2 h 40 min each way. The Japanese centre and the Japanese shops used to be in short walking distance to Duesseldorf’s main railroad station. Duesseldorf for sure has a Japanese community, and Stuttgart probably too.
Hope this finds you making the adjustment to the Deutchland. A bit south of where we lived, but still a great place. Look forward to the posts about the new homestead (temporary or otherwise.) I may impose on you with a visit if you are there long enough.
Speaking as a natural born citizen of Bavaria, welcome to both you, the SO and the cat.
yes yes, I do know that using the word both when referring to 3 is wrong but I find I do not care all that much.
The price that you will pay for a mountain climbing boots is worth it in terms of endurance and performance.