I got blindly drunk last night-just barely stumbling onto the last train back out of Yokohama. The S.O. was none too pleased when I darkened our doorstep at 1:30 am in as foul a humor as I have been in years. It is 6 am now and my head hurts. When is that damn coffee going to be done?
I’m thinking hard about staying drunk all next week after we get back from our trip to Niko this weekend.
The cause of my tumultuous leap into binge drinking and total inebriation? The twisted unfairness of the path that life takes us on sometimes……………
Goddammit Skippy, come to the f*&king point!
With General MacArthur presiding, I signed the surrender declaration this week, turning down 2 different job offers in Korea to accept……………..I still can’t believe I am saying this………a job offer in Shopping Mall USA.
Wrong side of the dateline, wrong side of the Mason Dixon line, and definately outside of commuting distance to Hong Kong, Singapore, or Bangkok.
You can say it now:
WTF?
Believe me, I have been asking my self and the S.O. that question over and over, every day this week. Wise woman that she is-she has made no input into this decision-because she knows I would blame her for it later on. No matter how good or bad it turned out. This way, the only person I can blame is myself.
Which really sucks.
But I thought you were committed come hell or high water to staying in Asia?
I am. I’m also a prisoner of pretty stark economic realities and when I laid every thing side by side, and did an apples to apples comparison-Shopping Mall USA came out way ahead every time. Professionally its a much better opportunity, with the potential to open up a whole new world of knowledge for me-in an area I have never worked in before. The Korea things would have tunneled me into more of the same-with a lot of the same frustrations I have had for the last two years. A lot of people whose opinions I really trust have told me that again and again.
Plus, given my family situation right now-being closer to my aging parents makes a good deal of sense and my sister will appreciate it. It would also be nice to be back stateside long enough to try to make some sort of peace with my kids and perhaps take my ex back to court to undo the injustice that was done to me 9 years ago.
And I’m hoping-that this will in turn open up some other opportunities down stream that will bring me back to Asia, in a more secure position, to stay for good. Because just like MacArthur-I will return!That will be saving goal numero uno-to continue to build up a war chest for that.
Add to that the fact that this particular course of action was the only one that fell very neatly into place-I received a lot of support from some dear friends who helped me find this opportunity-and I just feel its possibly the thing I am destined to do. At least for the short term. Every other road I turned up, I hit roadblocks whereas this particular avenue went very smoothly. So maybe it is destiny.
Of course, destiny can work for ill as well as good-as my subconscious self kept reminding me last night.
Why does all of the things I’ve written above strike me as a giant rationalization?
Michael: Don’t knock rationalizations. I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.
Sam Weber: Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.
Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?
And of course, this whole situation is made a lot more complicated by the 128 pounds of Japanese baggage sleeping blissfully in the other room. The last few weeks have really caused me the question the wisdom of acquiring, or continuing to carry, that particular burden. There was a demonic voice that taunted me all last night:
Dump her! Take your stuff and move to Singapore! You’ll never get another chance!
I am wagering that is not a true statement. So…..in damnfool decision number two, she is going with me and we will build some sort of life together in Shopping Mall USA. Yes you can say it too-I’m an idiot!.
As I have said before, though-her smile still does it for me. I reserve the option to hit the eject button at a later date, however.
As for the blog? Its not changing. I’ll still write about Asia, politics,and any other thing that strikes my fancy. I’ll just be doing it from the moral equivalent of inside the Green Zone or behind enemy lines. I hope you will keep coming back to read my posts.
This was so not in the plan I laid out for myself 8 and 1/2 years ago. I was supposed to be living in my small apartment in Pattaya right about now. Life is so damned unfair!
So wish me well.
Is it too early to open up the bourbon? Probably. At least the coffee is done. Ohayo Gozaimasu!
Welcome to the Dark Side 🙂
This was so not in the plan I laid out for myself 8 and 1/2 years ago.
Funny how it works out that way — had it done so in my case I’d be on my 20th novel and Clancy would still be selling insurance… 🙂
Besides – think of all the regional delicacies you can introduce the S.O. to now – *that* ought to provide material for a ton of posts.
– SJS
Welcome back!
Never too early for Wild Turkey…
>>Dump her! Take your stuff and move to Singapore! You’ll never get another chance!
I only started following your blog recently, and in that very short period of time I’ve heard you saying exactly that way too many times already. A smile is a smile, but shouldn’t you be expecting and don’t you deserve something (if not a lot) more?
I am speaking from experience, experience which taught me that when that kind of thought is in the back of your mind constantly, it is really time to get out.
Best of luck with the move. x
I do deserve more that is for sure-but most of that partiuclar rant has to do with me, not her, and has to do with the location more than anything else. And what I could do if I was by myself-e.g. expensive wise. Still gets down to the fundamental fact that there are Gweilos living and working in Singapore and I am not yet one of them.
Any way-won’t solve that here today. Thanks.
Hi Skippy,
First off, what the heck were you doing up blogging at 6am, after stumbling in well past midnight? I know I would not be awake quite so soon. Back in the early years, no problem mustering at 0700, nowadays, not so much.
Second, you’ve done 2 of the 3 things I would have bet a lot of money that you would never do. Even though I’ve only been following here for a year or so, I’d have bet that (1) you’d never return full time to the mainland, (2) would not ever get married again or get really serious and (3), you’d never sport a “W” sticker on your vehicle of choice.
At least you’ve made your choices, that in my experience tends to ease the burden some, you’ve picked the path, now you have to tread it. good luck to you and it will all work out.
Claudio
P.S. Would you prefer the Blue on White “W”, the simple white “W” on blue or a “Petraeus 2012” sticker.
Skippy, I wish you luck. At least with the SO coming you take a piece of Asia with you, but maybe not the peace of Asia you’d hope for. 🙂 Instead of Singapore, there is, um… Well, instead of Thailand, there is, um… damn, I’m sorry.
And what W.Pac sailor hasn’t had dreams of setting up their own “bar” in Pattaya?
Skippy, best of luck with the move. Have been an expat for 15 years with one 7 month interlude back in the USA. With reverse culture shock for you and a major change of scenery for the SO, you two will have quite an adventure ahead. It’s a great chance to make your own history as a couple. Best relocation advice I ever received was given to me before our first expat assignment:
a. It’s not better or worse, it’s just different.
b. Remember you are there to appreciate the differences.
c. Always keep your sense of humor.
Here are some serious positives about living in the USA:
a. Unlike in Tokyo or Seoul, you do not need to get up at 3:00AM to watch a college or pro football game live.
b. Compared with the rest of the world, they darn near give away cars in the US.
c. With the recession and the collapse of the housing market you should have little difficulty finding a decent house or condo.
d. The supermarkets offer an overwhelming number of choices.
e. Playing golf is a heck of a lot cheaper in the US than in Japan.
f. There is no “typical” American. We are a wildly diverse collection of people. Look around, you will find people to whom you and the SO can readily relate.
g. You will NEVER regret time spent with your parents at this stage. Cherish the moments.
h. Free domestic shipping from Amazon.com. Feed your book habit.
Have FUN in the USA and head back out when you are ready. Cheers.
Claudio,
I’ll take a Ron Paul sticket-I here you can get them cheap.
wrong side of the Mason Dixon line? Are you moving to New Jersey?
Ouch, that hurts!
I, sir, am a Yankee who had the privledge of a southern education. When shopping mall USA gets a decent hoagie or cheese steak, I’ll be all over it…………….