Repeated from Invisible Gaijin. Ones that apply to me-or that I have done (or used to before I was exiled to the land of fat women) are in bold:
- You call yourself gaijin because you know it pisses off the newbie gaikokujin.
- You bow repeatedly when talking on the phone.
- You offer your business card before shaking hands with a visitor from overseas.
- You prefer Japanese Big Macs to American Big Macs.
- You can sing enka perfectly but Japanese colleagues still ask you to sing “Country Road” at karaoke.
- You freak out folks back home when you take off your shoes at the door.
- You automatically duck your head when exiting the subway.
- You ignore other gaijin, especially the tourists who make eye contact and smile.
- You have pretended you don’t speak English at least three times.
- You fold the paper wrapper for the chopsticks to make a neat little stand.
- You put chopsticks back into the paper wrapper AND rewrap the rubber band around the bento box when you’re done.
- You keep expecting restaurants back home to give you a nice hot towel at the beginning of every meal.
- You watch Sho-ten, Chibi-Maruko, then Sazae-san on TV every Sunday.
- You no longer wonder why Americans have such large asses.
- You still wonder why Japanese don’t have any asses.
- You recycle plastic bottles, meat trays, cardboard, and milk cartons.
- You have run outside and bought a yaki-imo during the winter.
- You find the McDonalds Mr. James stereotype to be mildly amusing and not worth getting upset over.
- You can name at least 23 Japanese prefectures.
- You have climbed Mt. Fuji more than once.
- You sympathize with gaijin tarento on TV even if you find their gei unfunny.
- You have impressed Japanese friends with a senryu, kotowaza, or yojijukugo once too many times.
- You frequent at least three izakaya where everybody knows your name.
- You avoid the American Club like the plague.
- You know everybody’s name at Tokyo 2.0 and CGM Night.
- You can tell jokes in Japanese that actually make Japanese people laugh.
- You can read/write kanji your Japanese friends can’t.
- You save the plastic bags from the supermarket to use as trash bags.
- You shake your head when you see people put out moenai gomi on moeru gomi day.
- You actually like natto, shirako, sazae-no-tsuboyaki, kusaya, or shiokara.
- You have a favorite brand of Japanese sake, shochu, or beer.
- You avoid Roppongi because they are too many gaijin.
- You have been inside one of those “oppai momi-momi” places in Roppongi.
- You think self-proclaimed otaku you meet online are just silly.
- You have carried a mikoshi at a local matsuri or danced at obon.
- You have published at least three photos of “Engrish” signs on your blog.
- You have a sake story, just as you have a tequila story.
- You have carried a co-worker onbu-style after a company party at least three times.
- You know which vending machines have the best prices.
- You are friends with all the obasan in the neighborhood and they always compliment your nihongo.
- You go to the gym and stoically pretend not to notice Japanese staring at your private parts.
- You bathe twice as much here than you used to back home.
- You prefer Japanese junk food to the stuff you can get back home.
- You go back home on vacation but wonder why things don’t work like they do in Japan.
- You know the back-story of Hachiko in Shibuya.
- You never miss the last train no matter how drunk you get.
- Japanese people are shocked to discover you’re gaijin when they meet you for the first time in person.
- You can do a passable regional dialect.
- You can name at least 17 Sumo waza.
- You can explain the difference between Kanto and Kansai styles of unagi.
- You have been to Nikko and can say kekko.
- You cry watching Japanese dramas on TV but never admit it to gaijin friends.
- You have at least three books on Japan/Japanese culture that you bought but never read.
- You have been inside the gates of the Imperial Palace on the Emperor’s birthday or oshogatsu.
- You don’t bother commenting on stupid blog entries about weird Japan.
- You know the difference between okonomi-yaki and monja-yaki.
- You no longer try to explain why you choose to live in Japan to friends back home.
- You think Tamori is funnier than Sanma.
- You think, “I should have written that,” when reading a weird Japan story in the New York Times
Well, there ain’t no thing like the race thing. Who knew that there was a way to keep score on being an absolute racist?
Curtis –
———
JERRY
Let me call him back..
Hello?? Who is this?
Donna Chang? Oh, I’m sorry, I must o’ dialed the wrong number.
ELAINE
Donna Chang?
JERRY
[is re-dialing] Should ‘ave talked to her; I love Chinese women.
ELAINE
Isn’t that a little racist?
JERRY
If I like their race, how can that be racist?..
——–
Is it about race? Or is it about culture? Or both, just to confuzzle the issue?
I used to be indecisive. Now I just don’t know.
Live in Singapore married to a main land Chinese girl BUT points:
3 – business cards –> yep
6 – shoes at door –> yep
14 & 15 fat asses –> change American to European, Japanese to Chinese (on the other hand Malay girls seem to have really nice asses)
28 – plastic shopping bags –> yep
42 – yep
46 – train home — or in Singapore — last MRT
and
prefer to eat rice with chop sticks / go looking for the green chilly ala hawker centre
PS: and eat rice every day 🙁
Rice or no-I envy you being able to live in Singapore. I wish I could find a way to live there.
Don’t they still have the night busses on weekends?
“Normal” buses finish at around 23:00ish, start some time around 05:30ish (effectively matching MRT hours) … in between there are the ‘night buses’ — thought they were all the time :-). The days of coming home after the MRT / Buses have stopped have long gone. (Getting married kill’d that :-))
1, 4, 5 (kokoro korasete), 6, 7, 10, 12, 28, 31, 36, 37, 40, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 49, 53, 56
Bobble, it is purely about race. How could you doubt it?