Dear Mrs. Spitzer………

In a way, sex scandals are a retarded and a uniquely American thing to end a career over. You don’t see this sort of thing anywhere else in the world, and you certainly don’t see it with the frequency you see it in the United States. Barring some kind of official corruption, politicians are embarrassed by sex scandals, but they generally survive them.I also don’t think that prostitution is all that big a deal. Like drugs, most of the harm caused by the practice is due to criminalization. Most of Europe and Australia has the right idea about it and we in North America are wrong.-Skippystalin

Dear Silda, 

Sorry to hear you are going through a bit of a rough spot right now. I’m quite sure you enjoyed the perks that went with being Mrs Governor and all. To have your husband appear on national TV and admit he blew 4,300 dollars on a hooker who would not even take it up the poop chute must have been a real blow to your self esteem.

However, I would like to let you in on a little secret: Just because he nailed a high priced hooker may not mean he does not love you. In fact I’ll venture the idea that it proves he does. After all, he did not go out and get in a complicated love triangle, with all the messy emotional involvement that entails. Quite the contrary-he showed up for work on time, obviously provided for you, and still found time to run the state.

Could it be that maybe, just maybe, he was not getting what he really needed:

What every man really needs! 

I mean after all, it has always mystified me that no ever asks the 64,000 dollar question whenever this type of thing happens, namely: “What was the little Mrs. doing at home to keep NY-1 satisfied?”.   I mean if you want to portray yourself as a victim, the answer to that question is paramount.

No one ever explores that angle. Especially here in Bloggerville. The Moral Majority out in the blogosphere simply whines about what a reprobate your husband is.

Meanwhile what is left for him? As he walks around the Governors Mansion and you and he encounter each other in the dining room-after a long period of official obligation-and he whispers a discrete suggestion. Was your response like this?

“What? Have sex right here on the dining room table? You want to bend me over and do what? Not a chance!”

So what is a high powered guy to do? Sulk off to the private office and watch porn? Not likely-the number of people watching his Internet hits is probably immense.

Especially when you have made as many enemies as your hubby has.

You have a right to be angry about the money he spent. 4,300 dollars for a piece of ass? Hell for that money he could have flown to Bangkok and been serviced for a week. He could have written it off as a “trade delegation” , had the women delivered from the Eden Club. They sure as hell would not have talked to the press.

Maybe you were hacking the program behind the green door. If so let me introduce you to fact of life #2. No matter how nice the woman-somewhere, someone, is tired of f**king her.

Harsh? Yea probably, but also true. Unlike women who wake up each morning wanting emotional value out of life, for men there comes that inevitable day when he wakes up, looks down at his nether regions and realizes that “this could be the only woman I am ever going to have sex with. For the rest of my life. While there are single and divorced men out there nailing upwards of over 100 different chicks-in a year.”

And he is just supposed to “deal with it”.

That’s a lot for a high powered emotional man to deal with. And the only one who can fix it is you.

So put down that phone and stop talking to your divorce attorney.  Rather, I encourage you to learn to compete.  A man has needs after all:

Later, the agent told “Kristen” that the client would “ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe — you know — I mean that … very basic things. … ‘Kristen’ responded: ‘I have a way of dealing with that. … I’d be like, listen dude, you really want the sex?’ … You know what I mean.'”

By “you might not think is safe”, I can only assume that Spitzer wanted some buttsecks. Probably some ass to mouth play, which is something that all loving relationships should entail. Obviously, Kristen is not only a whore, but a cold-hearted one to boot.

So take the man back. And cough it up-it could be the greatest service to the people of New York.

And if not him, well I’m available to console you…………………….

Love and kisses,

Skippy-san