What he wishes he could have said.

I must confess I did not see the Mitt Romney dropout coming. I’m surprised Sean Hannity did not commit suicide on his show today as a result.

And of course he did it at that annual gathering of the mentally deranged “conservatives” known as CPAC-the annual ritual when the uncaring and the unfeeling come together to tell each other how great they are and how misunderstood they are by everyone else.  It is that annual time of the year when whorespeople like Michelle Malkin, Dennis Praeger, Hugh Hewitt, and the rest of talk radio’s morons come together and genuflect at the altar of Ronald Reagan.

Anything is acceptable at CPAC. – Except the truth.

They have conservative meetings in Japan too. Only over here, they are held in out of the way parks and everyone drives one of these:

They call these guys Uyoku-right wing.

In America though, even front running Presidential candidates have to go in front of this crowd of losers and grovel to them-particularly when you are John McCain and you need to keep these strident bozos in line-lest they give the election over to the Democrats. Without firing a shot.

In a perfect world, here is the speech McCain should give:

Ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed an honor for me to come before you tonight and address the real differences that exist between me and the people who purportedly speak for you and your opinions and dreams.

I suspect that deep down we are quite similar in what we want for this great country of ours. We want the best for America and we want to continue to strive to achieve that greatness. Probably the biggest difference between us is that I actually understand what makes this country great and know how to move it ahead.

And you do not. And as far as I can see, you never will understand.

So I will keep my remarks short and confine them to words I know you need to hear:

LICK MY ASS!

For too long the Republican party has had to kowtow to you heartless, soulless, hypocritical, evangelically warped, freaks. Its time to take the party back for the sake of all the real, living, breathing, working people out there who don’t own million dollar homes-don’t have tons of money in the stock market and are unable actually enjoy many of the vicarious pleasures that life has to offer.

You dickheads would not know a real conservative if it came up and bit you on the ass.

A real conservative believes that a government should spend exactly what it takes in. And that in a time of increased demand-like say a worldwide war on Islamic fanatics- it may not be possible to extend tax breaks to a jerk like Glenn Tilton who fucks his employees out of their pensions and then walks away with 40 million dollars.

A real conservative would never have appointed a jerk like Rumsfeld who thought he could wage 4 different conflicts on the cheap and cut the heart and soul out of the armed forces at the same time it is called upon to fight one of the hardest struggles the military has ever been asked to undertake.

A real conservative would have, once the decision to invade had been made, listened to his military leaders and applied overwhelming military force-leveling cities, killing as many Iraqis as possible up front so as to totally defeat the Iraqi population once and for all-since regardless of the character of Saddam, he and the Iraqi people were nonetheless one. A real conservative would also have finished one war before jumping head over heels into another one. Particulalry one as complex as Iraq.

A real conservative would have called up all the reserves if necessary,  and gone in with the goal of kicking the most ass up front and not letting a conflict drag on for years because “people are expensive”. He would have asked the entire country to bear the sacrifice that we ask daily of our armed forces.

Or better yet, a real conservative, say like Ronald Reagan would have kept his eyes focused on what was best for America-which was why he left Lebanon when it became apparent that the Arabs there were not capable of accepting the gift that American and Israeli force of arms had given them. Because-wise man that he was-he knew that America had to stay focused on its goals. Not become bogged down in petty squabble over the rights to a charlatan who 1400 years ago told a lie that he was some sort of prophet.

A real conservative would recognize that America is about freedom. And that freedom includes the freedom to do who and what you want in the bedroom and in the privacy of one’s one home so long as it does not bother anyone else or violate basic laws of common sense. A real conservative would also recognize that there can and should be a certain expectation of privacy in one’s phone calls, e-mails, and other communications and that the government should not intrude on that without damned good reason.

A real conservative would also realize that freedom of religion also means the freedom to be protected from religion-e.g. the freedom not to worship if one so chooses. It would not seek to marginalize other faiths simply because they conflict with some twisted evangelical’s view of what people say that Jesus said.

A real conservative would know that America cheapens itself and undermines its message when it resorts to the same tactics that its enemies use-simply out of a sense of expediency. That it conveys a hidden message to the rest of the world, “do what we say-not what we do”. That accomplishes nothing.

A real conservative recognizes that immigration is a complex issue, not one that can simply be solved by slogans or jingoist language. And that while we strengthen the protections along the borders we have to do something fair and just for those who are already here and are human beings with hearts. souls, and needs-just like us. A little bit of that Christian compassion would go a long way in this area.

And finally a real conservative would understand that governing is not always about getting your way or behaving like a spoiled brat when you don’t. Governing is about making choices. It is about compromise and that when you compromise you have not all of a sudden gone over to the side of the devil. A real conservative would recognize that the opposition has something to offer to the conversation and that at the the end of the day they are still your fellow countrymen-not some sort of demon spawn to be cursed and vilified.

40+ years ago we recognized that. Then you bozos started burning the books that taught us those great values-replacing them with the mindless scribbles of the mentally impaired. Like Hugh Hewitt.

As President I will put an end to that-and bring back America as a land of equality of opportunity and demand that people actually use the minds that God gave them-not simply behave like the lemmings I am standing in front of here.

I wish you well and hope that once, just once, you will take off the narrow blinders you love to wear and see the whole world as it is-not just as you wish it would be.

There is probably little hope of that. However the majority of the citizens of this country are not made of the hypocritical stock that you are and it is with those mature adults that-together- we will build a future worthy of this great nation.

Have fun with Ann Coulter and I wish you the joy of her demented reasoning while it lasts.  I’ve got real work to do. Its me or Hillary-make up your goddamn mind.

As I said it won’t happen of course-he needs these morons to vote. Still a man can dream can’t he?