The Phibian over at CDR Salamander decided that I should join the “If I could be” meme. Thanks for the compliment and the vote of confidence, but first you have to answer the $64, 000 dollar question..(I’m a lover not a computer geek..) what the hell is a meme?
Anyway it works like this. I have to answer five different categories of a thing that I could be, and explain why.
Here’s the list: If I could be a scientist…If I could be a farmer…If I could be a musician…If I could be a doctor…If I could be a painter…If I could be a gardener…If I could be a missionary…If I could be a chef…If I could be an architect…If I could be a linguist…If I could be a psychologist…If I could be a librarian…If I could be an athlete…If I could be a lawyer…If I could be an inn-keeper…If I could be a professor…If I could be a writer…If I could be a llama-rider…If I could be a bonnie pirate…If I could be an astronaut…If I could be a world famous blogger…If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…If I could be married to any current famous political figure…
So because I promised, here goes:
If I could be a doctor…….well there is no way I could be a doctor, I cringe at the sight of blood. However if pressed, well you can guess my area of specialization: gynecologist. Makes sense, right.? You get to meet lots of women, view their private parts, and help to deliver new life to the world. Except of course, its not that simple, because for every nice piece of snapper you got to view and touch, there are probably 3 more I would not touch with the Phibian’s hands. Plus Gyno’s have to deal with premature babies and other bad things too……maybe I should rethink this. Oh well.
If I could be a writer……..Two ways to go here. Write the great novel like Hemingway, noting the futility of the human condition, combined with sensual wonders to be witnessed therein. Sell a lot of books and use the royalties to live a profilgate lifestyle and drink a lot and chase women. Except, unlike Hemingway, there is NO WAY a shotgun is ever coming anywhere near my mouth. Heart attack at 98 during sex baby, that’s the only way out for me! The other route would be that of journalist, ala Thomas Freidman, living overseas and posting comments both pro and con against right wing Republican religious Presidents, who happen to be stubborn sons of another President.
If I could be an astronaunt……..Who would not want to be an Astronaut? I think we should be sending more folks into space not less. And by now we should have gone back to the moon, several times. Screw the cost involved, this is about exploration, and staking a claim for America..and the rest of mankind. Besides, the idea of just being able to look down on the Earth from 100, 200, 500, or 240,000 miles. Heck that’s worth the price of admission alone. I think, however, I would have liked to have been one of the earlier astronaut’s. They got to have fun, chase groupies and swagger like real men. Now they have to be all PC and promote stuff like feminism. Screw that!
If I could be a athlete….there is only one answer here: pro golfer. Not that I would like to be like Tiger Woods, no not at all. I would aspire to be like John Daly, who told the 12 step rehab nazi’s to stick it up their ass, I’m doing this my way. Old man Calloway did not like it, but 84 Lumber believed in him. He still hits the ball a ton, and I believe he will soon win another major tournament. Besides, he’s been through 4 wives and countless girlfriends. Big guy or no, chicks still dig him.
If I could be a linguist……well of course I would like Miss Moneypenny to tell me, ” You’ve always been a cunning linguist, Skippy.” Failing that, I would like to be able to read and speak fluently: Chinese, French, Russian, German and of course Japanese. ( English is a given of course, because it is God’s destiny that English become the universal language…..). If given the chance I ‘d like to spend some time in Israel and learn Hebrew. Screw Arabic however, because I don’t like Arabs.
There are a lot of other things I would like to be on the list as well. In no particular order, I would like to be a professor, a world famous blogger ( NOW!), an inn keeper at Lake Tahoe, chef, and/or married to a good looking bimbo who is a rich political figure. ( That’s an oxymoron however, all the good looking bimbo’s stay away from politics…except Ann Coulter. See here for what she needs……..).
I once read an article about what life would be like if people could live 300 years or longer and that with the right amount of progress it would be possible; and still be look relatively young. In that brave new world, people had 5 or 6 occupations , changing as they became bored with them. Same was true for wives. That’s the world I want to see.
Now comes the fun part: I have to tag 3 other bloggers to do the same list. So here goes out there:
I choose Gardner in Korea, Neptunus Lex, and Spike since he just had his birthday and is in a thoughtful mood. If any of you guys have done them already, mea culpa….but I like your blogs.
So there Senor Salamander, I met the challenge.
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Skippy-san
