Far East Cynic

And trust me-its not pretty.

I have been in a very pessimistic mood lately. I think it has a lot to do with the transactional nature of the interactions we have with others on the internet. I’ll expand upon that in a couple of paragraphs, but it has me wondering whether the time has come to unplug entirely.  It would probably return a lot of time to me-but that said, I am not sure how I would use it. In the vernacular it is known by the more descriptive term, committing Internet suicide.

NOTE: Please not the word “Internet” in front of the “S” word. I am not mentally disturbed and will not do anything towards my real existence.

I first read about it in a computer article. Internet Suicide is the act of removing your online presence from cyberspace.

Sick of horribly embarrassing things showing up when potential employers Google your name? Tired of everyone knowing you live in a garden level dungeon apartment? Perhaps you just don't like the fact the internet makes you easy to find. Thankfully, it's not that hard to delete yourself entirely. Here's how to do it.

As most bloggers eventually discover, it’s hard to blog in anonymity forever. A lot of people now know my “real” identity and I am fine with that. What I am not fine with is the idea that people think they have a right to make comprehensive value judgments about a person based on solely on what one discusses or argues about on Facebook, in a blog, or on Twitter or any other venue. I am a lot more complex than that-and I think most people are the same way. Yet as I have pointed out in several humorous posts and not so humorous posts-gone on long enough-any internet discussion that goes on, spirals down into an angry oblivion. Especially in today’s politically polarized society. It is a coarsening factor in our American society-and its creating a lot of the political problems that we now have to deal with. Blogs and people were supposed to be better than that. Sadly, they are not.

The herd mentality is alive and well in the world of the blogosphere-a lot more so than when I started blogging back in 2005. The popular response is that “well both sides do it-it is not just a conservative thing”. That’s true-but there are differences between the way conservatives and liberals approach the tactics of internet discussions. Definitions of “civilized discussion” differ a lot. One man’s mannerly discussion is another man’s gang beating.

Conservatives tend to believe in moral absolutes a lot more than liberals seem to. Liberals-not near as much. ( Which is probably why they are liberal-they have seen the world and discovered the hard way that , in general, things are not simply black and white-but rather an overriding shade of gray).

Another thing is that conservatives hate it when you dismiss the source of their information. They come at you saying you are not discussing the main points or “dealing with issues”. I am sorry-in many cases the source is the issue. If you are quoting from Breitbart, the National Review, or several other sources-it means the veracity of the material you cite is suspect to begin with. Sorry, but it is true. There are many sources on the internet-not all of them are good. It is perfectly acceptable to be dismissive of the trash that resides in over half of Memeorandum. Liberals, I feel are not burdened so much-mainly because they place a higher value on providing scrutiny of sources anyway. The “well MSNBC is biased too” argument grows tiresome-they forget that MSNBC is not nearly as successful as Fox is. And as Jon Stewart loves to point out, they have not made it an art form to complain about control of content-while at the same time being the biggest practitioners of it.

One thing I have always been slow to recognize is that there are simply some people that can never be convinced-no matter how hard you try. These people live to make trouble and they love to reinforce their own self worth by trashing the merit of the other person. It has gotten me into online trouble far too often. More so in my early years of Facebooking and Blogging-but it still happens now.  The ideal solution to such a situation is never to play at all-or walk away early. It is not cowardly to that-its actually the more prudent path. Especially,  when you have been drinking. I have a hard time remembering that and I really need to do so. There are a lot of supremely self confident people out there who have perfect lives and hate your life because it does not meet their predetermined moral standard. It must be nice to have that level of self confidence. I know I don’t and certainly don’t place much value in their moral judgments anyway.

At some point, I believe, you have to come to peace with your internet personality-and accept yourself for who you are and be comfortable with who you are on line. If others don’t like that-it is their problem, not yours –and if that means you have to resort to the block button to regain some peace and sanity, then so be it. It’s a lot better than getting an ulcer. So I have made a resolution to be more comfortable in my own internet skin. I am who I am –and more importantly-you are never going to be me. So stop trying to tell me how to live my life.

If you are looking for a point in this post, there really isn’t one. I am writing to work through my own issues and and I am allowing you to be my “counselor” –so relax and enjoy the ride. This is nothing more than "a steam of my conciousness" post. I get to do that from time to time. Unlike the people in the lovely land of certitude-I do not believe in moral certitudes or self confidence. Such is the lot of the man of thought.

Help me to always give 100% at work
12% on Monday.
23% on Tuesday.
40% on Wednesday.
20% on Thursday.
5% on Friday.

And help me to remember…
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4…
to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
Amen."

There has been little free time of late-between the preparations for a fairly large meeting this week-made more complex because of the sequester and the rape of our travel money; my Hebrew classes and the general nonsense.  It has meant I have had to put together a string of electronic video conferences. That's some thing I hate-since "all day VTC" meetings never work very well, and they certainly don't accomplish the confidence building that makes for a good rapport with someone from another nation. Especially a society as complex as that of Israel.

And second, I have been fighting off  spell of birthday induced depression, conjured up by being a year older and no closer to my dream of returning to Asia. Curse the financial burdens that weigh upon me! I want to shed them all and move off to paradise. In the olden days one might have been able to do that-now with the advent of electronic banking- they can hunt you down and find your ass(ets).

I can't even celebrate St. Patrick's day in proper style-as I have to be up and gone very early tomorrow.

More to follow when I can break free.

Well it has begun.

My own personal hell known as the "new years eve cleaning to welcome the new year". The cleaning is called Susuharai, or soot-sweeping. Both inside and outside the house, the stains, physical and spiritual, of the past year are rubbed out in order to purify the home and make it fresh for the New Year.

She says it’s what you do to “welcome the New Year”. I keep trying to remind her of this great western tradition that we ought to look at too-so far to no avail-namely, going to a party, getting wildly drunk, and then coming home in order to have spectacular sex after midnight. As is what has appeared to become her "tradition" she will deny my needs yet again-in a rather quite representative display of selfishness on her part.

I hate this little ordeal with every passing year. I am currently "cleaning out my magazines"-but in reality dashing out this post on the computer. She is upstairs vacuuming and scaring away the cat.

Yesterday we went over to Strasbourg because they, unlike the Germans, keep their Christmas market open till New Years.

It was a lot of fun and a good day-until the drive home. When, cruising down the autobahn, I and the S.O. heard a sound like popping bubble gum. Looking up a I noticed a crack on the right side of the windshield. Not a typical rock crack, which most often looks like a Starburst. But a single line going from the edge of the windshield and moving about 5 inches to the left. The entire windshield will probably have to be replaced. And of course, this being New Years eve there is a zero point zero chance of getting it done today or Wednesday for that matter. And there will be the inevitable fight about whether this is covered under the New Car warranty. If it is not-then a claim to USAA will be in short order. Either way, I can feel the pain of Euro being sucked out of my wallet.

It’s cold today, but the weather is clear. Just as on Heilige Abend-most businesses are closing up at about 2 pm. Tonight some people will go to parties-and at midnight the artillery fire fireworks will start.

That was the biggest surprise of last year here. Not that there were fireworks-but it was the volume of the fireworks.  It seems everyone in ours and all the surrounding villages has fireworks to light off. It is really amazing.  Quite a sight  to see.

In addition to the annual cleaning, comes the inevitable personal inventory on my part. This one is made more poignant because of events that have gone on in the last few months which I will not discuss. I will post some of my thoughts here in a separate post. But I need to think about it some, so it probably won't be until tomorrow.

In the meantime I can hear the heavy footsteps of 130 lbs of Japanese baggage coming down the stairs. Time to look busy!

Happy New Year!

It has been a busy week and had no time to post. Pretty successful round of meetings this week and then a side trip to go see my father. We set out to return to Deutschland tomorrow, hopefully to arrive not too jet lagged on Sunday morning.

I have been doing a lot of deep thinking this week-but not really coming to any conclusions as yet. Bought some books and have been doing some research on various and sundry opportunities. There are lots of things I want to do-just no resources to do them with. Suspect this remorseful looking introspection will contnue to the end of the year.

I do know I am sick of hearing about the Fiscal Cliff:

First of all, its not a cliff-its just a speed bump-one that the country should be able to deal with. Second, the solutions have been in front of the GOP for months. They just need to come to grips with the fact that rich bastards have to pay more taxes. As will I. If I can deal with it-I know those worthless fucks can.

Now if you will excuse me-I have to go sulk some more.

Chloe: I haven't met that many happy people in my life. How do they act?

From the movie, The Big Chill

I have been back in Shopping Mall for the these past three days-taking meetings and combining it with a surprising stroll down memory lane. As with my previous visits and returns to the land of my birth, it is kind of like putting on a threadbare set of clothing, that is no longer stylish-but remains quite comfortable and still amazingly fits you and does not fit you-all at the same time.

My previous place of employ remained much the same as it ever was-good people toiling in a huge bureaucratic maze, with lots of talent and little empowerment. It was a joy to see the leadership pictures up without the scowling grimace of one LTG Patrick O'Reilly  staring out at you. Nonetheless, in talking to people, it was readily apparent that the carnage he initiated still remains, damage whose repair will take a long time to accomplish.

The SO, through a combination of whining and cajoling and pleading-has come along on this trip. She could have gotten her way a lot easier, with the simple and more efficient tool of sexual persuasion, but she seems to have locked that highly effective tool in her locker, never to be used again. That is , in itself, a most unacceptable situation and is going to be have to confronted eventually. When, I am not exactly sure-since a little voice inside of me tells me that she is perfectly content to have "shut down" sexually. What she fails to understand at all-is that this an unacceptable situation for me and I will not abide it for long. Its either put out or get out-and she has yet to discern that. Its clearly on my mind as pass through day after sexually frustrating day. 

But its not something I can solve now-and in my current mood is more of a digression from the surprised nostalgia that has been sweeping over me. Rather its in seeing before me the past few years and recognizing I as comfortable in dealing with them-if not at all happy in them. The happiest time of life was back in Japan, pre SO, and it seems as if the hand of time is a one way vehicle-that is never going to allow me to ever go back.

So now I am sitting in a coffee shop-waiting for my turn to go to the airport. I am awaiting my departure for the second leg of this journey to a major American metropolis ( a status that  Shopping Mall does not qualify for.) Because of her late addition to the trip-long after I had made my own travel arrangements for a mid day departure; I had to put her on a plane to that metropolis earlier this morning. I went by the house and took a look at it. All appears well and the tenants appear to be taking reasonably good care of the place. My one hope is that they will renew the lease for another year and spare me the financial agony and empty house would bring.

I don't think the world is going to end in 21 days-and I feel pretty confident 2013 is going to be a watershed year for me-in many ways, but now I have not the slightest inkling of what they may be. I actually caught myself contemplating what life might be like if I returned to this Godforsaken city. I continue to shiver at the the thought. Were it not for the presence of the S.O. I would drown those contemptible thoughts in a healthy dosage of premium quality booze. Unfortunately I can't-so for now its just better to pour out my heartfelt feelings through forgettable blogger prose, finish my coffee and prepare for the drive to the airport.

Happy December!

Is not something I have ever really experienced-although I go through the motions a lot. The better term is that experience a "domestic routine" that for the most part, I actually loathe-and most certainly do not understand the inability of the S.O. to get done during the week while I am at work.

Of she does take care of the house-it is always clean and the laundry is always done and hanging up. But getting shopping done? Not chance-primarily because her innate selfishness prevents her from spending the money I give her to do these things. She would rather scheme for some way to get me to do the shopping ( with her of course) and thus I end up paying for the things we have bought. It is really starting to chafe me more than just a bunch.

Nonetheless, I thought there might be some merit in recording some of the domestic comings and goings we do, for the purpose of highlighting the similarities and differences between shopping here and Shopping back in Shopping Mall USA.

The first thing one needs to understand about where we live, is that unlike in the US, Sundays generally mean  stores are closed. Just about everything is closed on a Sunday in a way that makes the old blue laws that I experienced growing up in Pittsburgh look tame. I don't know if that is just a Schwabian thing (the old name for Baden Wurttemberg) or if it is German wide. Regardless it is a factor that has to be dealt with. So Saturdays become huge shopping days-because there is no time during the week. Because my job is tied to the vagaries of the whims of people in DC, I stay later than I care too.

When we get stuck doing it-a typical shopping day for us consists of: First a big breakfast together. Weekends are our only chance to do so-and we take advantage of it. Usually eggs , ham, cereal, bread ( German bread is so much better than that in America) after which I retreat with my coffee to the computer. She, in turn, starts her frenzy of cleaning. Its not that it is needed-but it will create a great disturbance in the force if she does not do it.

Once done-we set off in the trusty "wagon" . Normally we have three places to go: Real ( the German equivalent of Wal Mart) , Bruniger Land, and then a stop at the commissary. 

First always is Real. We go in through the getrankt markt and deposit the empty remains of the previous week's beer drinking and our wine bottles. They have these really cool machines that take the bottles in and even take a case in through the bottom. Through them you get your Pfand back. ( the deposit). After which we enter the getrankt markt and get the "beer of the week". The only problem is that when we do, normally its the 0.5 liter bottles and the S.o seems to think I drink too much when one gets those. ( Probably she is right-but who is going to leave an opened beer to waste? I ask you, who? The forces of right are on my side.).

Then its into the main store. Real has a little bit of everything-just like Walmart. Appliances, bicycles, clothes, and groceries. If I am lucky we can head straight to the groceries. If not-well, I wait.

Then to the bread section-their selection of fresh bread is usually just great. In doing so I usually pass the butcher counter-where they serve fresh hot Flesichkase on brotchen. ( Sausage loaf on bread with mustard-its a treat). Some times if I am in the mood,  I get in the line and get one. Which I then proceed to munch on while going up and down the aisles.

Usually then its to the vegetable place ( gemuse in German) to get some specifics. Sometimes you can get vegetables cheaper here than at the commissary.

After which we proceed to the wine section. Which is huge. They have a great selection of German wines and since we live so close to France-a lot of French ones too. Personally, I don't like the German wines so much-I don't think they have any body to them. The French ones I have found, are on the whole, better. We have also been able to buy some good South African wines, as well as good wines from Portugal and Spain for a decent price. We even got some wine from Macedonia-although I wouldn't recommend them.

At this point it usually a straight shot to the check out-where I encounter that spawn of the devil-self check out. Rather than interact with Germans, the S.O. prefers to deal with the machine. Which would be fine-save for the fact that inevitably the machine says we have not bagged something-and so it is I-with my poor spoken German-who has to deal with the service personnel. I'd rather go through the line and let them ring it up. The money is still the same.

Once we get done with that nonsense-its out to the car we go. And on ward to other adventures. But I won't bore you with those just now. I'll save them for another time.

I will not be blogging for about a week or so. I have to up to Landstuhl Hospital to have cataract surgery on my right eye. To say that I am nervous about it is an understatement-but I can no longer put it off. And arranging to get it done through the TRICARE system has been a bit of a challenge-however once I got through the "gatekeepers" the treatment from the professionals at Landstuhl has been excellent. Lets hope it stays that way through the next week.

Could I have had this done through the German system? Yes-but I would have had to front a great deal of my own money and then work to get it back through my insurance. Such is the problem of being US insured, while being in an overseas system. Fortunately for me, Landstuhl had a spot and once I had jumped through the TRICARE hoops, they were able to take me on board. I had considered going back to the US to have it done-so that they could bill my insurance directly, but it would have eaten up all of my sick leave. This allows me to go back and forth by train and make my appointments. Plus I will get some opportunity to shop at the "big PX" at Ramstein. ( Which is obscene in its size-as only the USAF could build).

I can't imagine what it would be like to be facing this without insurance. The cost while not large by some standards, would hurt me more than a little financially. And yet, that is exactly what some back in my home country are proposing for their fellow citizens. I cannot accept that line of thinking. That's why I won't be supporting Romney/ Ryan this election. ( among many reasons).

I was thinking about that this morning,  when I decided to act on my thoughts by making a donation to the campaign of Patrick Murphy, the man who is running against the poster child, Allen West. Its a small race in Florida-but if West can be defeated, it raises hope for the rest of us. It was just a small donation, but many donations add up to a strong campaign.

If you feel as strongly as I do about politics in the US, consider making a donation to help take back the house from the Teabaggers.

God willing, I will "see" you in a week or so. Wish me luck!

After a long plane ride-made longer by the fact the plane left Frankfurt two and one half hours late- I am back with the S.O. in the hellhole metropolis of Shopping Mall USA.

This was not a trip by choice-thanks to Alabama's ridiculous immigration laws, they would not let the S.O. renew needed paper work like her driver's license and other items by mail. She has to present her :presence" documents "in person."

Now why that had to involve me-is something I can't answer  My plan had been to put her on the plane over here-make sure she had a place to stay, and the cat and I would enjoy a well deserved respite from her nonsense. I thought it made perfect sense-especially since I can't afford on one plane ticket, much less two. ( And what plane tickets I can afford are for destinations far east of Germany-not West, this puts a hole in my timeline to get back to the promised land for a "me" trip).

But then she called my bluff-begging me to come along . She offered to pay for own ticket. I took the money from her-and made the arrangements to return to the place I really didn't want to come back to. Even if it is only for a short while. Part of her ongoing scheme to keep me from enjoying myself, I guess. Certainly the odds of her doing something to perk up my spirits are slim to none.  But she will make damn sure we hit the malls-of that I am quite sure. (Nobody rides for free!)

And I really hate the reason-and this is a great example of why these so called-"tough" immigration laws don't work. All they do is penalize legal residents of the US, which the S.O. is. She is a legal resident of the US and also of Germany now. However her German residency rests ( as does mine) on keeping all of our US paperwork in order.

It really pisses me off. Because of what I do-this woman has already been investigated by the federal government at least three times already. Her stuff is in order-she is an Alabama and US taxpayer for God's sake.

But still we have to be here.

I am going to use the opportunity to do some needed work on our house-and in so doing accomplish the checks needed to make the tenant happy and justify my "active management" of the property.

Shopping Mall looks pretty much the same as I left. Not much has changed-the flight in was the usual small Canadair nonsense. There is nothing remarkable about this town-there are literally hundreds like it.

Except for all the fat people.

That's the one thing that is pretty remarkable after a long stint out of the US-just how many really fat people there are here. Germany gets a bad rap for that-but I'll tell you, at least in Stuttgart, you don't see the number of big people that you see here. At least among the women.

So for a few days at least, I'll be in and out, up and down a step ladder, installing some needed additions. Hopefully it will save some money-and I won't kill myself.

And we are going to get some dental and other medical appointments done. So its not a total loss. We have a dentist in Germany-but this way the dentist will have to fight with my insurance company, not me.

As it should be.

 Allow me to forget the life I've made my own

I've held this nation in my hand and yet it's not my home

Allow me just one answer and one reason why

Why this refugee of the family of man must die, tell me why?

Kansas. Closet Chronicles.

 Reading the recent news of Eduardo Saverin’s cowardly defection renunciation of his US citizenship, to avoid paying some 67 million in taxes on the decidedly larger sum that he stands to make in the Facebook IPO,  got me to thinking about an exchange I had –on Facebook interestingly enough-last year while I was still claiming Shopping Mall USA as my place of residence. (But not the place of my heart).

There is a kind of irony in having this particular week end with my birthday. Nothing slams home one's own mortality like learning three people you knew are passed on-and then waking up to realize that you are 55 years old. Irony may not be dead, but a good number of people I used to know are-and I don't feel so good myself.

The S.O. and I spent time driving north to the Rheinland yesterday. The weather started brilliantly-but as we moved into the mountains, it changed. We stopped in Ramstein for a while to continue our new car shopping adventure-then came back through the mountains stopping at a restaurant on the way home that had been recommended to us near Landau. By the time we got back to Stuttgart it was dark-which was perfect since it also coincided with my mood. Nothing like looking at 25K-40K new cars to help you realize how much of what you had once hoped to accomplish-you hadn't.     Sadly, there is still an imbalance between what I want and what I can comfortably afford. Which is kind of a good analogy for the events of the last year.

Life is about choices, mostly small ones, that rise up and become big changes and constraints on your direction and circumstance. You don't realize it at the time-but later down the pike you do. I wish had better understood that in the fall of 1978-I might have saved myself some pain and a lot of money. I might be in that luxury apartment in Singapore that I so longingly dream about each day as I put on a coat and head to start the car.

Except-in the grand scheme of things-I count myself as a very lucky man, all things considered. When I honestly sit down and think about it there are really only a couple of big changes that I might have made-I would not have gotten married and I wish I had discovered Asia when I was in my 20's. While I do long to be in Asia-in an apartment in any of my favorite cities, the realities are I chose the wrong line of work to facilitate those dreams. And while it sounds nice to fantasize about chucking it all and moving to one of those locations, the nasty realities of life necessitate some necessary compromises. At least I am back overseas-on a foreign shore-and that's something of a major victory in and of itself. That much of the work that I do is pointless-doing little to advance the progress of the human race, well that's just something that has to be dealt with. Work is work-and it pays the bills. It probably has more of a point than what I was doing in Shopping Mall.

And besides, as the real estate agents say, location is everything. God willing, I will be boarding that plane to Hong Kong or Singapore soon enough. ( As I get the time and the money,  I will make a "me" trip).  In the meantime-the view of those places from here is better than it was in Shopping Mall USA.

As for the marrying part? Well, one of the benefits of being 55 is to have a better picture of who you are and who you are not. Some people are the marrying and family kind. Some are not. I fall into the latter category-and its not a crime to realize that or admit. Don't worry about telling the S.O., she already figured it out a long time ago. She knows-and yet we still get along OK. She has her own burdens to bear.

And as for the seeing Asia in my 20's part? I probably would not have appreciated it-not the way I did when I arrived there in my 40's. ( But it sure would have been fun to try!) Same goes with the understanding marriage part-I understand now that I am not the marrying kind of person precisely because I was married (although its clear I should have hit the "eject" handle much, much sooner). And the marriage did produce two great kids.

Much as a I try to avoid it-it seems to me that my life has gone in a path that it should have. And for that I am extremely lucky and blessed by God. Call it fate if you are a non-believer, but I like to think I have been given some great gifts by God.  Even the hard times I went through at the end of my marriage seem necessary in hindsight. Without them-I would not have been set on the path that brought me to Japan and the wondrous experiences I had there. Probably like my marriage-it might have been nicer if they had been shorter and less painful, but ces't le guerre.

People ask me "Doesn't it make you sad not to be in the US and settled down?" I tell them no-and truth be told, I don't understand the premise of the question. That's not the life I want to live. I spent too many years living someone else's  vision of what my life should and should not be. To have a vision for what I want-and to be getting to do most of it, if not all of it-is a thing of joy. If being in the US and settled down is what you want, then good for you. Its not for me.

An old saying of mine is that its a sin to get to have as much fun as I have gotten to have. I've come to realize that I am misspeaking when I say that. Having the fun was no sin-but complaining about getting to have that fun would be. And so I won't complain about it, rather I will celebrate it-and be thankful for being given the opportunity.

Turning 55 does mean coming to grips with certain realities though. When I do board that plane to one of my favorite places, and when I trudge up the hill to Lan Kwai Fong or the MRT steps to Raffles Place, it will be at a slower pace then I did in times past. And the days of scoring cute, shapely ,  Chuppie, 35 year old accountants in a party dress at China Jump are gone with wind-never to return. China Jump is gone and those days are gone for me too-because one of the things about turning 55 is coming to grips with the long slow physical decline.  One just hopes its quite long and quite slow. Sometimes it is, sometimes , sadly  it's not. I'm still the same young at heart soul inside-but I don't look the same-now I am just the old man at the bar, drinking in solitary thought, watching other early 40's young men score cute, shapely, 35 year old accountants in a new style of party dress. My role now will to be just to sigh and look on wistfully. (FWIW-the 35 year old Chuppie accountant in a good looking party dress is now 46 ,and married with a six year old son. Time marches on for all of us).

And then,  step outside,  flag a cab to Wanchai or Orchard,  and hope for the best.

But it could be worse-a lot worse-and for that I will remain eternally grateful. I am the lucky man and I know it all too well.

Is the German word for "accident". Which is what we had last weekend while on the way into Garmisch Partenkirchen. One mile from our hotel to be exact.

Dealing with this and work is why I haven't posted in the last few days.

After a pretty drive through southern Germany, and the Tyrol region of Austria, we came up to a light, the light was what they taught you in driver's ed as a stale green-so I was understandably cautious. As we were passing the towards the light the S.O. shouted out that the "light was red-stop". So I did. You probably know the rest-"One potatoe, BAM!". We got rear ended by a 1988 Honda. Our massive piece of Ford technology survived pretty well, bumper damaged and tailpipe loose from the outermost bracket. Cracks in the bumper cover. Nothing to be sneezed at ( at 2800 Euros damage) -but we got off easier than the guy who hit us-whose, hood as jacked up 90 degrees.

Nobody hurt though. So good news right? One would think so-but this is Deutschland and I was Auslander. So the cocksucker of a head cop shows up and asks me why I stopped-with the other driver telling him again and again the light was "Grun". ( I think it was yellow at the time we got hit).  When the Garisch MP's showed up ( someone had thankfully called them-they were a tremendous help), Mr Head Polizei was not very happy.

Long story short-get the car settled, they take us to the hospital to get checked, and we get to go back to the hotel for a couple of quality hours of anger and recrimination. This in large part because Mr cocksucker Head Polizei says its my fault. Even though I got rear ended. Sure enough, two days later, a warning arrives in the mail. Wanting 30 Euros for the privilege. I consulted with the police liaison and a German Lawyer. They were scant comfort. Basically, I could fight the warning. However, like refusing NJP, the stakes go up if you do. The warning has no points against my license. However-if the police want to get serious, they can take me to court to prove it. With points and court costs. But, "it is my right to contest the warning"-just get it back to them inside a week.

In the end, I split the baby. Paying the fine so as not to get in any trouble-I also sent along a letter the lawyer had translated into German, telling them I think they are wrong and should refund my money.

I'm not holding my breath waiting.

There are those who think I should fight this to the end. I don't understand the logic. If I do-the only witness who is going to see it my way is the S.O. The German witness who was there-was obviously on the other side and beyond that, its my word against his. In the meantime the stakes go up at each wicket-to include being slammed in a German court. As far as the insurance goes-its a wash, because the police report says they cited me. So they awarded 25% of the fault to me and 75% to the other guy. ( He got cited for following too close). Why go through the aggravation?

And I never got to go skiing or see the Zugspitze.

Don't try this at home folks.

The day we get on the plane and I begin the journey to once again take my rightful place among the ranks of American Expats. I think we are ready-although the S.O. is just two steps above basket case level right about now.

The S.O. does not deal with change well. Unlike me-she likes order and routine, and the humdrum existence of house and hearth allows her to her cleaning, her daily laundry and the rest of her routines. The last few days of packers and movers ( who she regards as lazy compared to their Japanese counterparts-they really were not that bad, it could have been much, much worse) have unsettled her  greatly.  The sight of the empty house, coupled with the idea that those filthy Gaijin will be walking across her well kept floors in shoes, just perturbs her to no end. And this is for a house that she says ( repeatedly) she didn’t like that much ( she liked it more than she cares to admit).

We both have been having ongoing discussions about what put us overweight. She blames my books, I blame her dishes-the truth is both are to blame, which is why she will be splitting the expense with me-although she doesn’t know it yet. We are playing the cards we can to get the weight down ex post facto, but eventually we will get bitten in the ass. She realizes deep down she bought too much “stuff” over here and in Japan.

It sort of came to a head last night,when she threw a T-shirt at me. I realized it was not so much at me for the then topic of discussion-but at my inability to settle and stay where she could enjoy her routines. Like many women, she cares only so much for the happiness of her man. That  is quite secondary, even tertiary,  when it comes to interrupting her routine and her source of life support. Its not unique to her-its a finding I have seen across the species.  It doesn’t matter so much if I am happy in the location or professionally-so long as she is taken care of. She will work through it of course-as soon as we settle on a house, and get unpacked and settled, and she can build new routines. Routines that will have her riding the S-bahn and learning German after a fashion. We apologized to each other this morning at breakfast. (She’s right-I should have been more ruthless with respect to my library, she recognized I am right about her plates and hibachi’s).

But for both of us, tomorrow will be the beginning of a new adventure and a voyage to an uncertain shore. We will keep you advised as it unfolds. Gambarimashou!

Today we went to see Keio-san, probably the only Japanese running a Japanese restaurant in Shopping Mall.( All the rest are run by Koreans).  A farewell dinner of sorts-I think after the arduous task of packing and moving, and seeing the net result of all the useless china she has bought over the years come home to roost, in terms of our total weight-and the out of pocket cost it is going to cost her ( Yes-her! I am not going to pay for being overweight by 500 pounds). We spent almost three hours with her-as more and more food came, barely half of which we paid for. It was her gift to us. The conversation was mostly in Japanese-refreshing but trying for me,as three years in Shopping Mall have atrophied my skills a little bit. I was able to keep up-but it was harder than it used to be. Nonetheless, I think it did the S.O good to speak to someone in her own language and whine about how lazy and indolent American movers are. ( They were not that bad-but they did not pack as efficiently as they could have-and they had some lax approaches to security of our stuff. They especially did not like me pointing it out to them, and refusing to sign security seals etc,till I spoke to their manager).  Nonetheless we seem to have gotten about a lot heavier. And that is with me selling off all of my power tools. Which means she probably had acquired 1500+ excess pounds of useless china.

Now its clean up, and finish up, then on the plane. Two more days to the next Quantum Leap and Liberation Day!

To the day of the great escape from Shopping Mall USA. The day I have dreamed about, longed for, thought would never come, schemed and lobbied for, and despaired about-may actually finally be going to happen.

While its not taking me back to Asia-it is taking away from Shopping Mall and out of the USA. That, of course, is assuming all goes well and nothing comes along to dash it at the last second. Things are on track-but I’ve learned from hard experience not to get too excited about something happening until it actually happens. There are still a couple of things that could go wrong-but so far things are tracking very well. But I will be really convinced when I get off the plane.

The S.O. and I have been in the throes of packing up for a move to Germany. There I will take a new job-having been unceremoniously shunted out of my old one by the deranged contract strategy of the worst agency in the Federal Government;  led by the worst excuse for an acquisition professional, or a leader/CEO that can exist in the United States Army today. Yesterday I drove to a port near the eastern seaboard, for the purpose of dropping off my vehicle to begin the long trek to Deutschland-where hopefully it will arrive dry, and with no more scratches or dents than it went in. We previously sent off a small box of things by express to Germany, and have been busy cramming what would normally take a couple of months into about 3.5 weeks. The necessity of my loss of  job situation and the requirements of the job in Germany have made this a short fuzed move to say the least. So we have both been busy getting all the various and sundry details attended to ( made all the more difficult by the S.O. choosing now to have a fender bender with the car). The main packout starts on Monday and by Thursday we will be cleaning up the house and turning over the keys to our real estate agent. ( Hopefully it will rent reasonably quickly-if not, it will have to go on the market).

I should be clear about one point. I have nothing but praise for my company, who in my opinion is one of the last bastions of humanity left in the defense contracting business today. It was not they who created this problem, but the worst agency’s doing. The company did every thing humanly possible to help me, and keep me in their employ. However they were stymied at every turn, by stupid decision making by the people who worshipped gold. They are a great company and have nothing but praise and respect from yours truly-and I would gladly work there again. ( Provided it was overseas).

Why Germany you might ask? Well a bunch of reasons. This summer I was in the running for a position back in my beloved Tokyo. Went through all the hoops, made the short list, and was selected as an “alternate”-meaning I would only get the position if the first guy got run over a bus or something. With the loss of our contract, I was resigned to being in Shopping Mall- figuring that meant I had really only two alternatives. Change companies or move to another task/ location with my current company. While I was in Romania, I was fairly optimistic that I would be able to remain with my current company, keep my seniority, and not have to take a pay cut. The plan seemed to be comprehensive and had some good options if things went totally down hill. Or so we thought. Then over time-with me over in Bucharest- they all dropped off the vine one by one. ( I remain convinced there is skulduggery at work inside the office that oversees these contracts, especially on a couple where we clearly had the best solution).  So that left option two.

Option two was going to be to change companies. Except for one  little problem. The company that won the contract we were working under-unilaterally decided not to fill any Shopping Mall positions. Only they did not bother to inform any of us down here. Which left me and my co-worker waiting for offers that were never going to come. So much  for “first right of refusal”. 

This is where fate , or the Grace of God-however you choose to characterize it- stepped in. (I prefer to think of it as God watching out for fools and drunks, and I qualify on both counts) I was lucky enough to get a call asking me if I was still interested in a position overseas, and that “there could possibly be a position in Germany” that would match my current experience. I said yes. And so after some ups and downs and having to jump through some hoops, we are now getting ready to move to Der Bundes Republik Deutschland. The S.O. is excited although she won’t admit it-but between complaining about how lazy American packers and movers are-she has been sneaking peeks at her German travel books and asking lots of questions of people on that side of the Atlantic.

I’m excited too-but also cautiously wary. I keep wondering if this was the right choice to make. I think so-but of course you never know for sure till much later down the pike.   There are pro’s and cons to this course of action, and financially, what with the Euro being what it is, is probably not the safest option I could have taken. Some belt tightening is going to be on the menu to be sure. At least for awhile. No champagne and caviar-the cheap pilsner will have to do. At least I had a choice,( a lot of folks don’t get that)  and there is another thing I keep reminding myself of.

You see, I had a couple other opportunities over the past three years-that for a variety of reasons were not the right fit, or  the timing/salary/job description/etc etc etc were not right. I turned them down. I don’t really regret those decisions-I think they may have been the correct ones at the time-but then again, they might not have been and I may have really screwed the pooch by not taking the opportunities when they were offered. So this time, with the added incentive of staring at the precipice-I decided that if they wanted me, and the pieces came together-I was going to say yes. Etc, etc, etc’s be damned. The saying that kept going through my mind as this transpired was, ” You regret the things you didn’t do, a heck of a lot more than the things you did.” And I’m not getting any younger. So I decided to take the chance-and hope for the best. Whether its the right path or not……well time will have to tell. And as it turned out, it was a good thing I did, given the way everything else transpired here in Shopping Mall.

And at least its a decision, a path decided on-with now just steps in a row to execute. That’s a relief in and of itself. Now its just getting through the move, getting on the plane, and getting on with it. Compared to the anxiety I have felt over the last several months-that’s something to celebrate in and of itself.

And while it may not be Asia-well, it may yet get me back there. I prefer to think of it as circling the globe,  working my way back to the promised land the long way. And given the current state of politics and everything else here-it may be a good thing for my sanity too.

So the countdown to liberation day continues. I week and counting. Posting may be intermittent as we close down Internet, phones etc, but wish us luck. Ich bin sehr glucklich! (Totemo ureshii desu! in Nihongo).

Ticking down to liberation day.

A countdown made more difficult, because the S.O picked Friday to get in a minor fender bender ( in the BMW no less!), which yours truly is now having to solve and get fixed. One of these days Alice……. One of these days.