International Women’s Day

Well, it’s March and that means, its that oh so special time of the year when we get to celebrate the history that women want us to know about, while white washing the details they would rather just not see printed in the paper.

But I ‘ll get to that later on in the month. I just got back from a day trip to Munich and I am tired.

But I would be remiss if I didn’t recognize that today is International Women’s Day. And it occurred to me on the train ride back- as I passed through brief moments of consciousness-that just about every major problem that I have had in my life- can be traced to a woman somewhere.  Seriously, I don’t know what it is- but I can truly say that whatever dissatisfaction I feel with life, job, other aspects of my situation- can be traced directly back to that special type of woman I seem to have the knack of attracting.

Some men fall for heartbreakers-the women who are going to inflict real emotional pain deliberately. Not me. I have the distinction of being the kind of guy who falls for another type of woman.

You know the type of woman: the one who- no matter how much ambition and job drive she had before meeting you-turns into a leech. Perfectly content to suck the life out of you, by not working, and letting you pay for all the bills. You know the type-the women who have so little respect for themselves, that they can sit at home, on their expanding asses-and be perfectly content to have you do all the work.

They never start out that way, that’s the beauty of the way they operate. They lull you into that false sense of security by making you feel loved and comfortable-even providing the requisite amount of sexual stimulation. And then, when they have latched on hard enough-having enough financial involvement such that they are literally sucking the life out of you-they throttle back and start coasting. And then wonder why you get so angry with them.

Yep, that’s my kind of girl. 

But like the other creatures-they have gotten their tentacles deep into you-through a complex web for financial interdependence-that makes the dream of just getting up and walking out the door so brutally difficult to do.

There is even a medical condition for this type of woman.

And now, from the vantage point of a few years older- I can recognize that I have a had a weakness for this particular version of the species. But, however, slowly-I am learning.

So here’s to you girls! I just want to take this opportunity to recognize your contributions, thanks! Thanks for letting me be your life support system! Happy to help you ladies, happy as all get out.

And besides, as Sam Kinison pointed out, “What are you going to do? Suck a dick and vacuum some guy’s house twice a week?”

I don’t think so.  

So we are stuck, you can’t live without them- and they drive you nuts when are with them. I know it, you know it-even Don Juan knew it.

Speaking of Don Juan, he has some great advice appropriate to this special day. These quotes resonate with me more and more as I continue my quest of genuinely loving women, and I hope they serve you as inspiration and a reminder as well.

 

1. 1. “There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.”

 

1. 1. “Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You see your unborn children in her eyes and know that your heart has at last found a home.”

 

1. 1. “What do you know of great love? Have you ever loved a woman until milk leaked from her as though she had just given birth to love itself, and now must feed it or burst? Have you ever tasted a woman until she believed that she could be satisfied only by consuming the tongue that had devoured her? Have you ever loved a woman so completely that the sound of your voice in her ear could cause her body to shudder and explode with such intense pleasure that only weeping could bring her full release?”

 

1. 1. “I give women pleasure, if they desire, it is of course the greatest pleasure they will ever experience. No woman has ever left my arms unsatisfied.”

 

1. 1. “Every true lover knows that the moment of greatest satisfaction comes when ecstasy is long over and he beholds before him the flower which has blossomed beneath his touch.”

 

1. 1. “By seeing beyond what is visible to the eye. Now there are those, of course, who do not share my perceptions, it’s true. When I say that all my woman are dazzling beauties, they object. The nose of this one is too large; the hips of another, they are too wide; perhaps the breasts of a third, they are too small. But I see these women for how they truly are… glorious, radiant, spectacular, and perfect, because, I am not limited by my eyesight. Women react to me the way that they do, Don Octavio, because they sense that I search out the beauty that dwells within until it overwhelms everything else. And then they cannot avoid their desire, to release that beauty and envelope me in it.”

 

1. “Every woman is a mystery to be solved.”

 

Happy Women’s Day! Now go make me a sandwich and get me a beer!