Dec 01 2012
Chloe: I haven't met that many happy people in my life. How do they act?
From the movie, The Big Chill
I have been back in Shopping Mall for the these past three days-taking meetings and combining it with a surprising stroll down memory lane. As with my previous visits and returns to the land of my birth, it is kind of like putting on a threadbare set of clothing, that is no longer stylish-but remains quite comfortable and still amazingly fits you and does not fit you-all at the same time.
My previous place of employ remained much the same as it ever was-good people toiling in a huge bureaucratic maze, with lots of talent and little empowerment. It was a joy to see the leadership pictures up without the scowling grimace of one LTG Patrick O'Reilly staring out at you. Nonetheless, in talking to people, it was readily apparent that the carnage he initiated still remains, damage whose repair will take a long time to accomplish.
The SO, through a combination of whining and cajoling and pleading-has come along on this trip. She could have gotten her way a lot easier, with the simple and more efficient tool of sexual persuasion, but she seems to have locked that highly effective tool in her locker, never to be used again. That is , in itself, a most unacceptable situation and is going to be have to confronted eventually. When, I am not exactly sure-since a little voice inside of me tells me that she is perfectly content to have "shut down" sexually. What she fails to understand at all-is that this an unacceptable situation for me and I will not abide it for long. Its either put out or get out-and she has yet to discern that. Its clearly on my mind as pass through day after sexually frustrating day.
But its not something I can solve now-and in my current mood is more of a digression from the surprised nostalgia that has been sweeping over me. Rather its in seeing before me the past few years and recognizing I as comfortable in dealing with them-if not at all happy in them. The happiest time of life was back in Japan, pre SO, and it seems as if the hand of time is a one way vehicle-that is never going to allow me to ever go back.
So now I am sitting in a coffee shop-waiting for my turn to go to the airport. I am awaiting my departure for the second leg of this journey to a major American metropolis ( a status that Shopping Mall does not qualify for.) Because of her late addition to the trip-long after I had made my own travel arrangements for a mid day departure; I had to put her on a plane to that metropolis earlier this morning. I went by the house and took a look at it. All appears well and the tenants appear to be taking reasonably good care of the place. My one hope is that they will renew the lease for another year and spare me the financial agony and empty house would bring.
I don't think the world is going to end in 21 days-and I feel pretty confident 2013 is going to be a watershed year for me-in many ways, but now I have not the slightest inkling of what they may be. I actually caught myself contemplating what life might be like if I returned to this Godforsaken city. I continue to shiver at the the thought. Were it not for the presence of the S.O. I would drown those contemptible thoughts in a healthy dosage of premium quality booze. Unfortunately I can't-so for now its just better to pour out my heartfelt feelings through forgettable blogger prose, finish my coffee and prepare for the drive to the airport.