Far East Cynic

Lots of phone calls tonight, cranky/bitchy S.O., working on resume, surfing Monster and dreaming of the Mid-Levels apartment I will never have-generally crying in my beer.

FUCKING RED SOX!

That sums THAT up!.

More tomorrow. In the meantime, go read the other Skippy. He’s on a roll with this post. Any man who can wrap George Bush, Winston Churchill and hot conservative wackos into a coherent series of paragraphs has my admiration:

It seems that about a decade ago, the Republican intelligentsia decided that if they made their pundits hot, female, hot, young and hot, nobody would really notice how batshit fucking crazy or weapons grade stupid they actually are. That’s how Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin and Rachel Marsden came to entertain and haunt us all. The theory seems to be that if we want to fuck a woman bad enough, your average Joe might be inclined to agree with her almost pathological nonsense.

This is yet another example of how conservatives fundamentally misunderstand male sexuality. It doesn’t matter if your average Joe thinks a woman is actually retarded if he wants to put himself inside of her badly enough. Jesus, I’ve slept with women that I was pretty sure were crazy or evil. I know as a moral certainty that at least one was crazy and evil. That just made the sex better.

Maybe I’m really weird, but my penis doesn’t have a political litmus test.

Go read the rest!

Except the people who have to march in one.

Back in the day, when I was young, trim, and a strapping symbol of virility enrolled at the Fortress of Learning, we used to pray weekly for the heavens to open up on the city of Charleston each and every Friday that there was a parade. God, as I remember,  batted barely 190 on this one……………

But I digress.

Saturday night,  I got a phone call. ” A bunch of folks have canceled out for tomorrow. I’ve got tickets to the SDF parade up in Saitama. Do you want to go with us?”

Yea, I don’t doubt that a lot of people canceled out. It was only raining cats and dogs outside because of the the typhoon 100 miles off shore. ” Aren’t you worried about the rain?”

“Nope. This stuff will be gone tomorrow. Besides they only do this once every 3 years.”

Oh what the hell- I can play golf some other time. “Sure, we’ll go.” ( After consulting with the birthday girl-who as it turns out wanted to see a parade.)

The next morning we are up early, lunch packed, bottled water with us and on the road up to Saitama. Sure enough the weather had cleared and it was glorious. And thanks to the large number of fair weather Gaijins here- there were some great seats to be had along the parade route.

The parade is an event scheduled to honor the anniversary of the founding of the Self Defense forces.  It was an all service affair with units from the JASDF, JMSDF, and the JGSDF forces as well as the special schools: The Medical Academy and the Nurses School. All in all 4200 people participated.

As you can see it was great day to line up the hardware:

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For once I remembered to take my digital camera with me. So Sourrain cannot bug me yet again for forgetting pictures ( especially with all the yummy food pix she posts on her site!).

Transit time with two train changes was just under 3 hours-is this a great country or what? The weather was simply beautiful and the leaves were just beginning to turn. Only down side was all the traffic on the road up to the lake, which made going up to the waterfall prohibitive from a time standpoint. (It would have been a 90 minute bus ride each way with traffic……..). Since we wanted to get back to Asakusa for dinner we decided to forgo it and see the temples in detail.

Look below the fold to see some beautiful sights. Thank God I live in a country with great train service!

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Its a gaijin thing.

The Japanese do not have a tradition of Halloween per se. It is, like so many things here, just a marketing gimmick for the department stores. After all in a country that is at best only 10% Christian, how can there be an All Saints Day-which would require a hallows eve?

However for loads of foreigners here-Halloween is a cause to go out and celebrate. An excuse to get drunk -as if one needs a reason for that.

There is here in Tokyo, a tradition of sorts that once again for the 7th year in a row I will miss. (This weekend is the S.O.’s birthday…….even if it were not, I’m not so sure I would make it up to where the action is..).

That tradition is dressing up in costume, getting more than slightly liquored up, and then riding the Yamanote line around its whole circuit of Tokyo. According to the S.O. it did not used to be that way but during the 1990′s it became a tradition of sorts- and now its a rite of passage for young and not so young Gaijin and Nihonjin who are unattached or oblivious to it, to do on Halloween. Following which, one returns to Roppongi to get laid have some more fun.

The 2007 event is scheduled for Saturday, October 27, 2007. Festival-goers board the JR Yamanote Line at JR Shinjuku station, platform 13 (Yamanote bound for Ikebukuro). Japanese citizens as well as foreigners meet where car 10 stops, in front of the escalator from South exit. Everyone boards the 21:08 northbound train and loops around clockwise. Frequently everyone brings their own alcoholic beverages.

For those who have never been here-the Yamanote Line completely circles Tokyo.

Roppongi is not on the line!

D-oa ga shimaimasu! Go chui kudasi!

It normally does not happen on Halloween anymore. Mainly because all the bars in Roppongi have sought to maximize their weekend revenue by having their Halloween parties on the Saturday before Halloween. When I first came here and was S.O.-less they did it on the day-the way you are supposed to.  That said-that year I did not make it to Roppongi-I was in Guam getting hammered in Tumon Bay. Trying to play “Trick or Treat” in a strip bar there just does not cut it. All the rest of the years I was either on travel,  or trapped by the S.O.

And many of the traveling public are less than amused:

To some the Yamanote Halloween Train is a fantastic good time. Others view it as a shamefully rude display of public intoxication and a major annoyance to the Japanese passengers who unexpectedly encounter it.

Nonetheless whole hordes of Gaijin and their followers ride  the train around the whole circuit. Courtesy of Japan Probe you can see some of the carnage here:

And here!

Ought to be more than few folks out this year. Some English teachers have a good reason to get drunk right about now! Many will be on the “last train in, first train out” program for the night.

Sure wish I could be there! Sigh……………..

I’m told the first train out of Roppongi leaves at 5:08 am. Not that I would know from personal experience, but I’ve been told that is when it leaves.

Is a whole fascination thing I never understood. However there are some guys who just get breathless thinking about the idea of a girl toting an Uzi. Me? Its just another woman out there who now has a way to inflict yet more pain on men and in the process settle whatever longstanding grudges are lodged deep in her soul. That’s just plain scary.

Leave it to the Israelis (H/T to the Canadian Skippy for finding this) however,  to figure out a way to use that fascination as a marketing ploy.

Now anybody who has been to Israel knows they have some really smoking women over there-with big breasts. I think they put something in the water. When I was visiting my Israeli friend in a little town called Zikron Yakov- 30 clicks south of Haifa-he invited me to a party. At the party was a guy and his wife- who was of Yemeni descent, but had been born in Israel of a Yemeni mother and and European father. She was, knock you over, jaw dropping, not an ounce of wasted skin on her body, beautiful. The whole time I was talking with her and her husband, I had a hard time concentrating because all I could think about in the back of my mind was that this guy was going to take her back to wherever-and knock the bottom of her. And I was going back to Daron’s tiny little guest room with its sleeping bag-alone. Man! I can still picture her today, 15 years later.

Or as my more well versed counterpart would point out:

Attracting tourists is further complicated by the small matter of whenever you turn on the television, you find out that a suicide bomber has just blown up a bus in Haifa. That’s pretty off-putting. Particularly when you consider that if you want to die in a commuter mishap, Minnesota is much cheaper. Last I checked, they still have a few bridges that haven’t fallen down. But they could. I spent an afternoon in Minnesota once and I would have welcomed a bridge falling on top of me.But I digress. This was supposed to be about the serious business of tourism.

And Israel has finally figured it out! They now seem to understand that only a lunatic is willing to get themselves blown up on a bus just to see where Jesus was born. But pretty much everyone will get blown up for quality poontang!

I gotta go take a shower…………….

It is October 25th. And you know what day that is right?

Incidentally, from looking at the news-there are Turks involved in both wars that I note in my previous postings for this anniversary.

Is Sailors attacking Sailors.

It is not anything else……in my humble opinion.

Now granted,  I was never stationed in Bahrain, but I spent more than my fair share of time there trying to get a building completed so we could give a select group of Sailors a decent place to work. Because of Arab petulance and stupidity on the part of those folks working in the hallowed halls of an old building in San Dog , it did not get done.  However throughout that time, driving back and forth across the island I never really felt unsafe-at least anymore unsafe than an American in the middle of a bunch of stinking Arabs should feel.

Which gets to one of the dirty little secrets of today’s modern Navy. Why have not the dependents been allowed to return to Bahrain?

For those who don’t follow the Navy closely or military matters in general, let me bring you up to speed. In 2003, in one of the most asinine decisions that the US Navy made, it got permission from DOD to order all dependents-wives and children of serving military members- home. The ostensible reason was because of increased threat to US personnel. Interestingly enough, however, the ban only applied to Navy personnel-who comprise 90% of the personnel in Bahrain. Somehow the powers that be convinced the folks in higher echelons that it was the right thing to do. Do USAF personnel have some sort of force field on them?

Suffice it to sat the Bahrainis were not amused. Despite all my misgivings about Arabs-and I have a lot of them, since they rank at the bottom of the demographic food chain for me-the Bahrainis have been solid allies of the US for a long time and they have done a lot to support the US when the rest of the Arab world would not even so much as lift a finger. They put up with a fortress of a Naval base in their midst-and they have to put up with a steady influx of people into -a lot more than need to be there IMHO.

Its been over 4 years since that happened. Iraq is or has been pacified, depending on who you wish to believe . And yet, Bahrain is still an unaccompanied duty station.

Why is this an issue? Because in our “diverse” mixed gender Navy, a place like Bahrain is ripe for things like this to happen. Why? Because with people doing year to year and half tours, alone, many living off base-its a foregone conclusion  that there is more at play here than has been publicly released. And when it is released-trust me its gonna be ugly.

My theory? Keeping the dependents away allows for two things: 1) It allows the leadership there to work their staffs like dogs. I have an acquaintance here who used to work there. His quote? “I worked 17 hours a day during the work week and on the weekends just 8 hours”.  Now I guess to some out there, that logic makes sense-its never made sense to me and I no longer have that kind of work ethic. Life is too short. The second reason is the money. With COLA and other incentives like tax free people make a lot of money coming through there. Even civilians get paid a healthy differential.

What does the US lose by doing this? A lot. If families were there, there would be a lot less unauthorized ass going on and there might even be less of a need for a curfew. ( Like it really works so well-the multitude of ways people beat it is the subject of a whole different post). Also it might actually show Arabs and the Arab world in general that Americans are good people. People tend to underestimate the value of what spouses and kids bring to the effort of building goodwill for the US.

What about numbers? Well as I have said before, when it comes to the US in the Middle East, less is more. A lot of the staff things that do go on in Bahrain either don’t need to happen-or they can be outsourced to someplace where people can do three year tours. For those that stay-the ability to have people who actually have a reason to remain committed and focused on what they are doing-instead of turning over every year is priceless.

Which is why the US Navy won’t do it. Working people harder not smarter is the only management style many of the leaders in DC and in Bahrain know.

Thus endeth the rant for today.

A tasty dish of crow that is.

Deborah , I’ll have my crow sauteed with mushrooms please……..

And as for the Tribe? Well, I guess the razors can go back on the shelf for another year. I’m a Cubs fan after all-I thrive on dissapointment………….

At least the Yomiuri Giants lost their bid to get in the Japan Series. There is some justice in the world.

And a huge bit of begging.

S.O. and I are going up to Nikko for an overnight-to watch the turning leaves and hopefully get me (and her) out of this simultaneous funk we are in before we kill each other.

Can anyone help me figure out how to set content width and sidebar width on a 3 column theme?  I keep experimenting but it seems my widgets just get pushed to the bottom of the page.  Any help would be appreciated.

While I was out shopping yesterday I came across this little tome:

The book opens well:

Am I the only guy in this country who’s fed up with what’s happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We’ve got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we’ve got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can’t even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, “Stay the course.” Stay the course? You’ve got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I’ll give you a sound bite: Throw the bums out!

There is a certain proportion of people out there who will simply think that, “Great another rich liberal feigns anger at Republicans!”. Maybe. However as I read into the book I find that he takes aim at both sides-Nancy Pelosi deserves the same level of scorn that George Bush does:

My friends tell me to calm down. They say, “Lee, you’re eighty-two years old. Leave the rage to the young people.” I’d love to—as soon as I can pry them away from their iPods for five seconds and get them to pay attention. I’m going to speak up because it’s my patriotic duty. I think people will listen to me. They say I have a reputation as a straight shooter. So I’ll tell you how I see it, and it’s not pretty, but at least it’s real. I’m hoping to strike a nerve in those young folks who say they don’t vote because they don’t trust politicians to represent their interests. Hey, America, wake up. These guys work for us.
Who Are These Guys, Anyway?
Why are we in this mess? How did we end up with this crowd in Washington? Well, we voted for them—or at least some of us did. But I’ll tell you what we didn’t do. We didn’t agree to suspend the Constitution. We didn’t agree to stop asking questions or demanding answers. Some of us are sick and tired of people who call free speech treason. Where I come from that’s a dictatorship, not a democracy.And don’t tell me it’s all the fault of right-wing Republicans or liberal Democrats. That’s an intellectually lazy argument, and it’s part of the reason we’re in this stew. We’re not just a nation of factions. We’re a people. We share common principles and ideals. And we rise and fall together.Where are the voices of leaders who can inspire us to action and make us stand taller? What happened to the strong and resolute party of Lincoln? What happened to the courageous, populist party of FDR and Truman? There was a time in this country when the voices of great leaders lifted us up and made us want to do better. Where have all the leaders gone?

I’ll give you a hint Lee, they were co-opted by guys like this and this.

But you are on the right track in pointing out the obvious-AMERICANS DESERVE BETTER.

I also bought Imperial Life in the Emerald City, but why talk about that now?

It just proves Iacocca’s point.

From George Bush’s playbook. If Congress won’t give you what you want-just ignore them.

The new Prime Minister has drafted a new version of the Special Anti-terrorism law-the one that allows JMSDF oilers (unlike our navy properly manned by Sailors) to refuel coalition ships in the Indian Ocean.

Kenji Yamaoka, Diet affairs chief of the Democratic Party of Japan, slammed the bill, saying it was full of problems and does not reflect public opinion
The new bill, a key goal for Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda in the present extraordinary Diet session, is intended to replace the current special antiterrorism law, which expires Nov. 1.
Unlike the current legislation, which requires Diet approval to dispatch the MSDF, the new bill omits this condition. Instead, there needs to be Cabinet approval of an “implementation plan” that lays out the basic policies and reports any plan changes to the Diet.
With the Diet divided — the ruling bloc holding a large majority in the Lower House while the Upper House is under DPJ-led opposition control — the ruling bloc has been desperately seeking a way to continue the MSDF activities.

The idea of avoiding Diet approval is crucial since the Minshuto (Democratic Party of Japan) is seeking to use this issue to impose a defeat on Fukuda and hopefully build support for an early election.

The current mission expires Nov. 1. The new bill, to be approved later Wednesday by the Cabinet, was to go to the Diet, or parliament, for a plenary vote, ruling party and government officials said. The bill goes to the lower house first. DPJ will try to slow the bill down-but the smart money says they cannot defeat it.

Its important to remember that this flap is really about local politics here in Japan and not about where the fuel came from or is going. Here is why:

More fuel was consumed on OEF missions than the amount of fuel Japan contributed. The entire Japanese contribution can be accounted for by fuel used by ships engaged in Operation Enduring Freedom.

• All refueling by JMSDF oilers occurred within the area that Japan established for its operations in support of OEF, an area that is entirely within the U.S. OEF area of operations. Additionally, JMSDF personnel worked closely with U.S. personnel in assigning refueling missions and were able to ensure that only ships conducting appropriate missions received Japanese fuel.
• From December 2001 through February 2003, the period from the initial Japanese provision of fuel to U.S. Navy vessels through the last full month prior to the start of the war in Iraq, the JMSDF provided approximately 74,000,000 (74,115,281) gallons (280,526,340 liters) of fuel to U.S. and other coalition vessels, or approximately 5,000,000 (4,941,018) gallons (18,703,790 liters) of fuel per month. During the same period, the total fuel consumption by coalition ships in the U.S. Central Command (CENTCOM) area of operations was approximately 400,000,000 (378,963,102) gallons (1,434,533,748 liters), or approximately 25,000,000 (25,264,207) gallons (95,635,583 liters) per month. Thus, fuel provided by the JMSDF accounted for 19.6% of the total amount of fuel consumed by coalition vessels during this 15-month period.
• Data for the subsequent 55-month period shows that the JMSDF provided approximately 53,000,000 (52,811,768) gallons (199,914,617 liters) of fuel to OEF coalition vessels during this time, or approximately 960,000 (960,214) gallons (3,634,811 liters) per month. Total fuel consumption during this same period by coalition ships in the CENTCOM area of operations was approximately 728,000,000 (728,334,096) gallons (2,757,048,997 liters), or approximately 13,200,000 (13,242,438) gallons (50,128,164 liters) per month. Thus, fuel from the JMSDF accounted for 7.3% of the total amount of fuel consumed by coalition vessels during this period.

However, here in Japan people make little distinction between Iraq and Afghanistan and Iraq is very, VERY unpopular. So its pretty clear the mission will not get renewed before 1 November 2007. The DPJ has to get its members on TV shouting in the Diet.

Stay tuned for more developments.

The cartoon character I want to have sex with:

That’s right. Lily Wong has returned to Hong Kong newspapers. It’s also got its own web site, so now blog readers can have something to read more interesting than Day by Day.(Which appears to be in hiatus).

Particularly when you love Hong Kong as much as I do. Contrary to the opinion of some people-I think this is a welcome development.

Is one where you have to go meet people like this:

And talk face to face with rising stars:

It is a dirty job and Spike’s gotta do it!

Thanks, Spike!

Since Congress authorized the use of force in Iraq. 

I’ve been trying hard to fix in my mind the recent controversies over remarks made by LT. Gen Ricardo Sanchez, as well as the testimony of Gen Petreaus last month .  I’ve been very confused about how to encapsulate where the Iraq War is today and what the United States should do about Iraq in the years to come.

Now to some in the blogosphere there is only one thing that I should do-sit down and shut up. Accept that American forces are winning a great victory over Al Qaeda, Iraq is improving, and its all because the United States finally got the right strategy and the right commander. All those who were serving and trying to their best prior to that are some how tainted because they did not “succeed”. Furthermore asking that the civilian masters who started the country down this path should be made to pay for their malfeasance is considered disrespectful and somehow unpatriotic.

I cannot accept that line of thinking and neither should anyone else who actually can think for themselves. Instead of just joining the herd. The facts, when examined in considerable detail, suggest otherwise.

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Boo F**king hoo for Michelle Malkin.

Seems she is all upset that the Atlanta Journal Constitution featured her in this cartoon. 

She once again shows that she likes to dish it out, but she can’t take it when the slime sticks to her new (Fox news paid for) clothes.

As a result her readership probably jumped again, so she is laughing all the way to the bank.

Worthless bitch.

We now return you to normal frivolity.